Comeback
by anastacianott
Summary: AU: Coming back for Loki's abandoned body led to the most incredible results Thor could ever imagine. Post Thor TDW.
1. Impossibility

A/N: I seem unable to drop the theme of Loki dying in Svartalfheim. But, oh well.

~ Chapter 1 ~

Impossibility

Thor dreaded this moment. No one would ever dare to call him a coward and indeed, he _wasn't_. All his life he run to face any dangers, any foe head on without fear. Only that… To face no physical enemy but what pains your heart is no easy thing.

Three days have passed since he came back from battle on Midgard, from defeating Malekith and getting rid of the danger to the Nine Realms. Three days as he left Jane, again. But no matter how much he wanted to stay with her, forget what happened, be at peace not remembering the losses he faced - he couldn't. Many things needed a closure, needed being taken care of. Thor must return to Asgard, speak with his father, see to his home's healing after Dark Elves' attack... be a _prince_ his people expected him to be.

And… the one he had left in Svartalfheim needed to be brought home.

Thor tried not to think of his actions regarding Loki, because it was still raw, still painful. It was still an open wound. Pretending to be fine helped no one. Especially not Thor.

Guilt. It was eating at his soul the whole time since he left Asgard. Guilt from which it was impossible to escape. He loved Jane and it was not her fault, but he was guilty of bringing her in his home. Guilty of holding her in higher regard than his own people – when palace was being destroyed, when people were killed, great beauty of the realm turned to dust. Because of his actions his mother was murdered – the woman he knew his whole life, who was a permanent figure, who you could rely on, _always_… Gone. Thor's actions – be they direct or not - resulted in her death. Loki was right. His brother spoke cruelly and aiming to hurt but he was right – Frigga relied on him, trusted him. And where _was_ he? Where was he when most needed? He failed. Failed everyone.

Then Loki. Thor couldn't run from so many regrets regarding his brother no matter how desperately he tried, no matter how unsuccessfully he justified his actions. It was of no use. In that time in prison cell Thor felt nothing seeing his brother for the first time _in years_ after he was put there, nor did he care for Loki's appearance. They have just lost their mother! Thor did not let himself overthink much about the fact that Loki should have been there standing beside him at her funeral. He just didn't think. Coming to the dungeon Thor spoke bluntly and heartlessly, wishing Loki to feel even worse than he already did by the looks of the state of his destroyed cell. Thor regretted also that Loki was _alone_ in his grief for mother, that there was no one for him but his own thoughts. Thor hadn't even humored the thought of visiting Loki _ever_ and in that time, he felt good about it. Not _good_, but… it felt right. But _oh_ how he wished it wasn't so! How he wished he visited him, liked he it or not! Those moments they were together turned out to be so short. And walking beside Loki Thor _ignored him_. If he had known he would never see Loki again, that he would lose him forever in so short a time – a day! – he would have watched his every move, tried to remember his every expression. Hell, he would have thought about something – _anything_ – as not to involve him at all! And thus, not feeling bitterly guilty for leading Loki to his demise.

Thor made so many mistakes. Most dishonorable was not even going against his father's orders. No. It was abandoning Loki's body in the Dark World. It felt so disrespectful to leave his brother there after everything he has done, after his sacrifice. Loki did _everything_ Thor asked of him, he played his role well. And the moment Loki was sucked into the vortex, Thor felt his heart freeze. He was so relieved he got there in time. Because never – never again – Thor would see Loki fall and do nothing about it as he did on Bifrost. Loki fought their enemies, he even saved Jane! Thor couldn't ask him for more.

Standing side by side, like so many times before, Thor felt his heart breaking. He struggled to stand his ground, but Loki… Loki made the cruel beautiful hope light up in his chest. Hope for reuniting, hope for giving each other one last chance. They had no need for more. And Thor saw it in Loki's eyes – his brother _wanted_ it too. No matter the past – in that moment they both wanted a new future, both gave their silent consent to try start anew. It was meant to be difficult, to be done with so much effort, past actions put behind them. They were both ready to _listen_.

Thor tried not to think that fighting Kurse could have possibly resulted in his death. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Thor knew he could fail. But what he also knew was that he was the most capable of defeating him. So that was why Thor ordered Loki not to engage. It was not that Thor didn't trust in his brother's strength. No. But Loki was only fresh out of his cell, his mind could be sharp as ever but surely his body lost some speed and durability with no exercises or training in that white room.

Loki proved him wrong however, as between beats, Thunderer saw Loki quickly disposing of Dark Elves that were many against one Loki. Only Kurse remained. Thor said he would fight him so Loki would stay away and protect Jane. Until that moment Loki did everything right.

He only didn't listen _once_. And it cost him his life.

And later when Thor thought about it, he felt most useless once more. Because in the end Loki – not Thor – was smart enough to take them from Asgard by secret passages no one else knew about, Loki – not Thor – was there to protect Jane (even if he didn't want to but nonetheless did) so she would use her science to stop Malekith on Midgard, Loki – and not the son Frigga trusted, her only son by blood - avenged their mother, killed the monster who took her from them, made Kurse _pay_…

_What did Thor do? _

He let those precious to him who he swore to protect die, he let his family be torn apart, he conspired against his father and made even the most trusted subjects betray their king for his own selfish plans, he became a traitor and made his friends follow his lead, he may have in his mind saving Asgard but did not hesitate to add to the ruins himself.

He was not fast enough and let Frigga die. He was not strong enough and Loki died because of him.

Thor had so many victories that resulted in grand feasts and joyful times celebrated by all of Asgard. This victory will not be celebrated. Asgard has not come out of shock yet. As for their Prince – a 'victory' left a bitter taste in his mouth, a hole in his heart and future he did not want to face. Alone because his father became violent, unstable and most angry. The queen was not there to calm him, to guide him. His son betrayed his trust. His other son dead. Overall, _defeat_ was a more suitable word.

-O.O-

He had to come back. He had no right to stall any longer. His shame was unimportant, it didn't matter that he was afraid to face his failure; his not wanting to say goodbye. _He_ didn't matter. Loki must be brought back home.

Thor wished not to tell his father that he would leave to Svartalfheim. He didn't know how Odin would react and most importantly he didn't _want_ to risk it if his father denied him. Odin could be thinking of Loki all he wanted, but Thor would not let his father's madness rob his brother of the last thing he deserved. Loki died with honor. _That_ Odin could not ignore. Thor would not let him.

And why must past matter _now_ when life is gone? They can only honor Loki's memory for what he managed to do and it was saving them all.

Fortunately, Odin chose to indulge in Thor's request and not even listening to the end gave his son a curt nod and left, not looking back. Thor was grateful if a little disappointed.

Taking two Einherjar with him next day Thor left to Bifrost.

Seeing Heimdall on his spot did not surprise Thor. Asgard needed her gatekeeper and even Odin had no one to replace him. Seeing a black bracelet on man's hand was a surprise however. Asgardian Prince remembered seeing this kind of shackle from a book he read years ago wanting to know about Loki's restrains, put on him on his trial. Loki's were magical chains that prevented him from using his seidr, trapping its flow inside the body. Out of curiosity Thor read (a small bitter smile appeared on Thor's face remembering long gone memory of Loki telling him that Thor was incapable of reading and if he would ever read a _whole_ book then it was a cause of celebrating the day for the rest of their long lives as something impossible) what other kinds of bounds there were. It surprised the Thunder God just how many different kinds of magic existed alongside with people who wielded it. Thor had no idea because he never was interested in magic. He only called it tricks to Loki's aggravation and quiet anger because he didn't know better. Now he knew how _powerful and dangerous_ Loki's abilities in the art were if Odin chose to use magical chains of a special caliber Thor read about.

Heimdall had to pay for his treason and for helping Thor escape. Now his friend wore a single black bracelet that not only showed a sign of shame in the runes covering it, but also had absolute control over what Heimdall did. No more could Heimdall open the Bifrost without contacting the king, like he did in that cursed trip to Jotunheim. No more was Heimdall free in his decisions about Asgard's defenses. Nor was he free to leave Observatory like he sometimes did. He was bound utterly and completely to Bifrost and to king's will. Even the smallest disobeying was punished by pain released from a bracelet. And no one aside from King of Asgard could release Heimdall.

Thor promised himself that when he is king… if… he would be king… he would free his friend. But until now gatekeeper should serve to Odin. There was nothing Thor could do about it.

"Hello, my friend." Thor entered Observatory like so many times before.

"Prince Thor." Thor could not begrudge Heimdall his mood. Another trait banned was familiarity with anyone who came to use Bifrost. It was simply unreasonable in Thor's eyes and spoke of Odin's spite.

Thor understood and simply nodded, going to stand at place. Heimdall took his sword and went to the construction to open the Bifrost. Thor readied himself to inevitable. It was time.

-O.O-

For a few seconds Thor did not move nor did he open his eyes. He needed a moment.

Same suffocating atmosphere, same putrid air, same feeling of death and ruin. Thor opened his eyes and exhaled. Svartalfheim. The place that took from him his home's safety, his peace of mind, his family.

"My Prince!" Thor reflexively turned to face a guard who called him and saw a young man pointing his finger to the east of them.

Before Thor could stop himself, the shudder involuntarily took over his body as his eyes found the outlines of a lone body lying on the ground in the distance – the only dark spot in grayness of this world.

Thor quickly looked away so Einherjar wouldn't see his pitiful reaction: the hitch in his breathing, the fast blinking because of stinging in his eyes, the tremble in the hand that held Mjolnir. He was not… he wasn't ready! That stupid guard had no right… he… He needed time…

Overcoming himself, Thor finally lifted his head to face the body of his slain brother.

Why, _oh why_ did he think that it wouldn't be there? Why had he secretly hoped that Loki played a trick on him and stayed alive somewhere doing whatever mischief he wished? Why was he not laughing in his face, mocking Thor that he fell for his lies again? Why was his body lying there where he left him? Why couldn't Loki be alive? Why? Why? _Why?!_

Knowing his anger wouldn't make any difference nor would it help, Thor harshly cut his line of dark hopeless thoughts sobering up. It was over. Nothing could be changed. He had to just take a body with him. Just take a body and leave.

Thor couldn't remember when the distance of mere sixty feet felt so much like eternal road. And with every step it got harder to breath.

Loki was just like he last saw him. Same horrible image of death. Bloodied torn clothes, hands around the wound, his… his bloodless face, his shut eyes, his calm expression, his…

Thor fell on his knees beside his brother feeling exhausted and worn. Biting his lip until it split, Thor took a moment to simply catch his breath and quiet his panic. He let his blue eyes roam over Loki while he still could and it was time to go. He didn't know how long he sat there staring but not actually seeing anything before him, blank and numb. Thor did not even touch Loki, not daring to disturb him. After some time Thor returned his attention back and noticed how a few black locks lay out of order across Loki's face.

Sniffing, Thor tenderly brushed dirty black hair from Loki's forehead behind his ear. When Thor was leaving Svartalfheim with Jane, a big storm was coming, huge clouds of dust threatened to swallow everything on their way. Thor left before they could reach him. Loki… Loki was left at their mercy.

Thor was so immersed in his thoughts that it only registered after several long moments. The barely there heat. Loki's skin was producing a heat, barely warming Thor's hand in chill air around. In complete confusion, Thor caringly put his hand on Loki's forehead and froze. Loki's body was warm and it felt as if a person was ill with fever. Thor was rendered still by the discovery – how was it possible if Loki was dead for days? Swallowing a lump in his throat and not thinking of anything least he lose his mind, Thor lowered his hand from Loki's face to his neck. He still did not believe, but had to be sure. With baited breath, two fingers searched for pulse that should not to be there. One. Two. Three…

Thor gasped and flinched back, staring at his brother's body in shock and disbelief. It was impossible. He must have gone mad in his grief and his imagination simply enacted cruelly. Screwing up his eyes against tears that stung in his eyes, Thor closely watched leather clothed chest for any sign of motion. He saw what wasn't there. He was tired and grieving, his mind would surely play tricks on him. It was impossible…

A shock stole Thor's breath away. His mind was blank as a white sheet, his thoughts too many to be coherent.

Thor for eternity could not believe his eyes when he saw Loki's chest rising and falling - barely, painfully, with the last of strength.

The first thought that Loki pretended, _tricked_ him into believing he had died, arranged his death disappeared rather quickly as Thor noticed that Loki did not move an inch and was laying just like Thor left him. And it was not fair to Loki, as memories of what happened resurfaced in his mind. Only then shame and fear came upon golden son of Asgard with the realization that he _left_ Loki here in the middle of nowhere to rot, in pain, dying alone, _alive_ not even making sure... Thor abandoned him so quickly...

Could it be? _Could it?_ A chance, an opportunity, a great and blessed relief in knowing Loki _survived_. Thor could only hope with tears now shamelessly rolling down his cheeks. Thor didn't realize such sounds could leave him – desperate, gasping, chocked sounds of incredulity that rung in the silence of dead world. Royal guards were looking at each other in confusion and anxiety, not knowing what to do. Thor didn't give them a second of his attention. His world has shrunk to the feeling of his brother lying in his arms, alive. Impossibly alive. How it was true Thor would think later.

Not wasting any time Thor carefully gathered his brother's body and called Heimdall to be returned to Asgard. Father should know Loki still lived if only just. But first he must get to the healers _immediately_. Until it was too late.


	2. Admittance

~ Chapter 2 ~

Admittance

Sif stood at the entrance of the palace waiting for her friend. The moment she found out about his trip to Svartalfheim she wanted to of course accompany him but Thor didn't even listen, saying he needed to do this alone. Insisting only angered Thor even more, he shouted that he didn't need her support, muttering that the one who did, would never have it anymore and that nothing mattered now when his brother was dead and gone. Sif didn't think like that but she couldn't not notice that the matter of Loki put a strain on the relationship between Thor, her and their friends. It started after Loki was lost to the Void where Thor began to look back at how Loki was mistreated by people in Asgard – and by Sif in particular. When Loki was imprisoned, Thor did not raise the theme of Loki what greatly improved relations between them. And now… Thor told them that once again, Loki proved them all wrong but the attitude stayed negative. Thor said he would not tolerate it as it was still raw and painful. Not after what Loki did _for him_. Sif stayed silent.

Warrior woman watched Thor leave and waited for him to come back. As of late, her life in the palace became rather… difficult, taking in account that she and her friends disobeyed their king's orders. She, Fandral and Volstagg were not put in prison – for now – but All Father implied the last time he saw his son's group of friends that there will be just punishments for their treason and subordination. Odin didn't tell what exactly will be done with them, because the king said he had more important matters to see to in this awful times of ruin and death – than distract himself with dishonorable traitors who wouldn't dare disobey his orders now that it was not needed least they wish to lose their heads. Sif has never felt so… insignificant and dishonored, like she was a worthless ant under Odin's disgusted stare. It happened in front of so many people, in front of her parents and friends, in front of those she taught the warfare. Oh, how ashamed she felt when All Father dismissed her, Fandral and Volstagg as something pitiable not worth his time. Of course, she was free to do what she pleased and go wherever she wanted. But her sword was taken from her and she was removed from her duties.

Lady Sif never thought that her honor would ever be questioned.

Thor promised to do something, to speak with his father. Sif admired him for that but she was not sure Thor would be able to change anything. Because Thor Odinsson was his father's son, he always lost any argument with Odin. Thor was no Silvertongue to change other's minds in his favor. It was Loki's job.

Bright light. Bifrost. Thor came back. Instant relief of having her friend back was replaced by grim expression on Sif's lovely face when she remembered (who would forget?) where and why Thor left Asgard.

Strange. Her friend rode alone unaccompanied. From afar, she couldn't tell for sure but her gut told her something was wrong. Then when Thor dismounted, her worry was replaced by sadness when she saw who Thor was carrying. Her uncertainty and hesitation in giving Thor her condolences were wiped out by doubt and suspicion seeing her friend agitated and in a hurry.

Where was Thor so eager to get?

Sif watched as people of Asgard were gasping and crying out in shock and horror seeing Loki. Her eyes tried to avoid looking at dead trickster, but she just couldn't resist. Last time she saw Loki, he was acting his intolerable annoying self, grinning his wicked smiles in all their faces. Not so much now…

When Thor first saw her and their friends after he came back, he told them everything what has happened. When he told them what befell Loki and how he died, he spoke with so much restrained agony, so obvious regret. Sif tried to tell him that it was not his fault Loki chose to die as he did, but Thor reacted violently, screaming that of course it was his and only his fault. And he demanded to stop their blind hatred of Loki from them. Sif was shocked of amount of guilt Thor carried. And for Loki… She didn't understand. Of course Loki's loss was… It was not even for the first time! They have already lived with his absence and got over it. Yes, Loki died saving Thor's mortal and Thor himself from that monster, but…

Sif would never understand Thor's closeness to Loki after everything the trickster has done to them all. But Sif was no Thor and it was regrettably not her place. Be it in her power she would have beat up all foolishness from Thor's thick head.

Now the horrible picture of two brothers – one holding the other – was in the center of everyone's attention. When Thor got closer to where she stood near half ruined column, Sif stepped in front of him, blocking his way. She wanted to know what was going on.

"Thor, what-" She started.

"Not now, Sif!"

Shield maiden flinched from Thor's order, for it was definitely an order given by a prince rather than a request – harsh or not – of a friend. Sif watched as Thor sidestepped her in frustration and almost run to the left where healing rooms were not stopping at anything. One would think the future king was angered in his pain and grieving, not wishing for anyone to see it so he run from prying eyes. It was not uncommon – on the contrary, it was right to hide your weaknesses. But Thor denied his friends' help and company – that was wrong. She just wanted to help him, soothe his pain of his mother's loss… as well as Loki's. Thor should know that she was always there for him no matter what. Of course, Thor could hurry to take Loki's… flawed body away but what's done is done. Loki was dead.

Right?

So when Sif silently observed how Thor suddenly brought Loki's body closer and murmured something in his brother's hair, it made her stop. What? Thor was sound and right in the mind to do such things to a dead man. Unless… No, no. Absurd. She couldn't believe what was apparently happening. Was Loki… alive?

On weak feet, Sif padded after the Crown Prince. Loki and his condition quickly stole all her thoughts.

Was it even possible after all that time he was there in Svartalfheim injured? Or was it a trick? What was the point then – why not run? On the other hand, was he indeed mortally wounded and by some fate's design survived? Did it mean he was bleeding out all that time he was there on enemy's land alone and abandoned? Did he wake so see himself left alone by his brother instead of being brought home? And if somehow Loki didn't trick Thor, if he put his life for his brother and believed that it was his end, if life struggled within to overcome his demise… could he make it? Or would it be another ordeal for Thor – to get his brother back only to lose him forever? Could Thor get over it? Somehow, Sif thought Thor undeniably would not…

-O.O-

Thor had no patience to suffer other people's curiosity and gawking regarding his state of being. His and his brother's. Thor wasn't even sure if he cared if Asgard would suddenly come under attack – he would run to the healing rooms anyways. Loki was so still in his arms, it scared him and Thunderer had to remind himself that he still felt slow weak heartbeat under his fingers and weary over-exhausted raise and fall of Loki's chest. When he pleaded for Loki to hold on, Thor didn't even know who he tried to encourage more – Loki or himself.

Heimdall said nothing when Thor and guards arrived, but it was obvious he wanted to. Be it from expressing his shock, his denial to let him pass with such a threat in his hands or apology for not seeing Loki somehow still drawing breath, Thor had no time to waste on silent gatekeeper. Two Einherjar he traveled with stood perplexed as to what they were supposed to do next, seeing that there should have been a slow procession after delivering the body of the second prince. More guards that came to greet Thor Odinsson now watched as their prince wordlessly grabbed his horse and carefully holding Loki close to his heart galloped across the bridge to the palace. No one knew what to say.

Thor saw Sif from afar and gritted his teeth. He didn't want to see her, nor her false concern, nor hear her lying words of her sorry for his loss. Thor knew Sif was fine with Loki dead – she wasn't glad but she was unconcerned. And Thor… he didn't know if he still was fine with this knowledge. He may have tried to forget his brother's existence for the last year, but he did not relish in Loki's defeat… as his friends did. That was why Thor ordered to keep silent on the topic of his brother.

Sif kept her word until Thor brought Loki back to help him and Jane escape Asgard. And after Thor told them what happened to Loki, she has only tried to reassure him that it was in no way Thor's fault and he shouldn't blame himself. That Loki was responsible for his choice.

Never Thor thought Sif could rile him so. What ever did she know? She was ignorant and spoke of him and Loki as if she knew what was going on between them all these years and beyond. It was no news to him how Sif constantly tried to cut Loki from their company, and when she failed preferred to degrade Loki's abilities time and time again and treated his brother with blatant disregard. Even Warriors Three were more moved and affected by how Loki died and why than Sif. They at least never tried to separate brothers, even if they sometimes were not thrilled by Loki's presence. Hogun bowed to Thor in showing respect to Loki's fate and choice. Fandral smiled painfully and joked that Loki fooled them all and turned out to be the luckiest of them to enter Valhalla first, the snake. Volstagg stepped in front of him and just crashed him in his bear hug, not uttering a word. Sif… Lady Sif suggested they keep moving on. No hardships should ever stop them.

For the first time in his life, Thor thought he understood how Loki felt most of the time. It was awful.

When has he become so cynical? When have his eyes opened?

So seeing Sif only irked him for she kept him from giving Loki help he so required. Anyway, he would meet all his friends later… if he would find the time on them.

There! Just one more turn…

"Stop!"

Thor startled and whirled around. His hold on Loki tightened unconsciously as he watched Odin measurably walking closer, Gungnir hitting the stone floor piercingly loud in silent halls.

"What is the meaning of this? Who is..." Odin's stern voice wavered as his words trailed into complete silence as he regarded the one held in his son's arms. Especially the horrible sight and dangerous condition Loki was in.

_(Was it truly Loki? What happened to make him look like this? Was he not supposed to be brought back under the cover hiding his body? Surely a boy could not still live.) _

"Father! _Father_. It is - it is Loki. He… he survived! Somehow! I went to bring his body back but then... Gods, father. Can you believe it? I thought I have lost him forever. Please, I need to bring him to the healers, I need- I…"

For a painful unbearable second Thor realized he did not know his father as well as he thought he did. Thor did not know if Odin would be reasonable after everything that happened with them all. He feared his father asking why he did not leave Loki there to die, as he should. That what was the point of prisoner living? That Thor shouldn't have bothered. Thunder God didn't put it past Odin to act this way regarding Loki. To punish Thor for his betrayal denying him helping his little brother. Thor was not sure he would have handled it. Not from possibly the last member of his family.

"Go."

Thor exhaled in relief and gratitude. Relief he felt was overwhelming. His father cared still. It was enough.

"Thank you father." Thor nodded, blinking away traitorous tears. He took a step back ready to run, when unsympathetic calm quiet voice made him halt.

"And Thor? I have much to speak with you. Don't even think you'll get lightly from what you've _done_. You… and your _friends_." Odin's one-eyed piercing stare made Thor feel like a small boy who got into trouble and was disgracefully found out. To escape this stare Thor looked down… and instead of floor, he saw his little brother. Hurt, wounded, and suffering his once closest friend. Man who for a thousand of years was always there when Thor needed him.

Brother he vowed to protect. Brother who needed _him_.

And suddenly Thor wasn't afraid of his father.

"I... I understand. But _Loki_ comes _first_."

The fact that his father took no move to check on Loki's condition - a son they all thought dead, had not asked any important questions, just simply dismissed Thor to make his way to whatever mundane midday task the king was in no hurry to do... instead of dropping everything to run to the infirmary as father scared for his son should, as a parent caring for his child's fate ought to... Thor imagined for a second _his mother_ seeing Loki. Imagined how Asgard would have trembled in her rage and worry. She would tear down the walls in her hurry to provide her younger lovely boy necessary help and comfort. His mother would not forget to calm Thor down too and reassure that if she were on a task everything for certain would be well…

And then there was father.

Thor habitually buried his thoughts in dark scarred place of his heart. That place did not need further refill.

"Go."

-O.O-

Many would not recognize in curled in on himself, hid in the shadows in dark corner of the room so not to get underfoot a silent young man who flinched every time someone called for help, for supplies or just to be quiet - a confident, powerful fearless The Mighty God of Thunder Thor Odinsson. Right now, he was a shell of himself – tired, haggard, hunched and holding for the last glimmer of hope - as he watched healers treat his brother. His blank stare did not leave the epicenter of recent chaos. His brother Loki.

Loki lay lifeless on a table on his side, his head limp, resting down as if nothing supported it anymore, eyes shut. He was quickly stripped of his upper armor upon arrival leaving him bare chested, and his current position revealed the clear sight of the horrible gruesome penetrating wound gone through him, with blood still leisurely intermittently leaking from it around the blood that was already clotted and hardened, with edges rough and infected, with skin scarred. The color of his skin was all wrong – it was gray with dark lines outlining veins, the texture rough and dry, giving the impression it would crumble to dust should you touch it.

When Thor run into Healing Rooms every healer there stopped what he or she were doing and only stared in astonishment at Thor. The first thought was that the prince was injured (by what they had no idea) but then their eyes landed on what prince had tightly held to his chest. Gasps and cries of shock were heard in usually silent halls of what had become of their second prince. They remembered their Prince Loki always elegant, groomed; never with a detail out of place in his appearance (the trickster's vanity was his famous treat even if he denied it for the sake of neatness and simple personal care). Now they saw torn bloodied armor, the midnight hair unkempt, long, and dirty. Loki had not the usual pale and flawless skin but bloodless horrible sick mask. One of the hands had the impression of a burn on it – the result of touching a Dark Elf's Kursed soldier no doubt – healers knew about it because they cared for bodies of guards who were killed in the dungeons. A storm as Thor has said was raging when he was leaving, so Loki must have been in the heart of it, thus having a need to help Loki's breathe easily and clear his respiratory system.

By all means Loki was supposed to be dead. Prince Thor came to Eir – the Head Healer and a good friend of Queen Frigga – and her aids a day earlier and bluntly said that he wanted them to prepare everything what was needed for funeral rites of Loki. When Eir assured him everything would be done by the time he would be back, Thor did not stay for any second longer and quickly walked from this place. He did not witness the sad looks exchanged between healers and their assistants. The death of Prince Loki would be no simpler to face and mourn as their Queen's. Another member of royal family gone. Prince Loki was always interested in the art of healing and many many times came here to irritate Eir by his endless questions and distract young maidens from their work by his mischief.

First Loki made appearances because he was a frighteningly very sickly child and was often ill. Later because it was hard for such a slim thin boy to escape bruises, cuts and broken bones on training grounds seeing how he was younger of them all. And already a young man Loki simply visited for studying and self-education don't giving in on accusations that a true warrior doesn't need to know such lowly arts of women. Loki didn't care and came anyway, being always welcome in the Healing Hall. Lady Frigga was very pleased to hear praises from Eir, saying that Loki would have made a great healer.

Staff loved younger prince. They didn't know what happened but the news of prince Loki's death and then imprisonment put a veil of grief over them all. And now this. _Prince Loki died saving Crown Prince's life in Svartalfheim_, they were informed. They would do anything in their power to give their prince a worthy farewell.

What a shock it was as well as a happy surprise to first hand find out and then reassure Prince Thor that Loki indeed still lived. Any other matters were hastily forgotten in the face of seeing to younger prince's wellbeing. From the looks of it, he needed it immediately and done with precise carefulness.

By some miracle, there was a tiny little spark of Loki's magic inside, struggling and faintly withstanding a battle with death. However… it came as no surprise that healers had every reason to believe Loki to be too far gone to be certain of his so anticipated victory, the future too uncertain…

But what healers also knew, was that no one ever grasped just how strong and unfailing Prince Loki's magic really was.


	3. Endurance Part I

A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful feedback!

(Unbeta'd but will be later).

~ Chapter 3 ~

Endurance. Part I

When the madness was over, when Malekith was defeated and the safety of the realms was secured, Thor spend some short time with Jane in her little house on Midgard, catching his breath as well as making sure that his love was safe after ordeal she was subjected to. She was, hale and healthy, thank the Norns. What meant it left _Thor_ to be seriously worried about.

Speaking of Jane, she was truly supportive, kind and loving even going as far as asking Darcy and Eric to leave, at least when Thor was there as not to accidently offend him or remind of the tragedy in his time of slow and painful mending, when the realization of what exactly happened and consequences it left were _finally_ kicking in. Jane's friends accepted to move out to their own respective apartments (in Darcy's case – to Ian's), so it was only her and Thor alone. For Jane her task was being there for her beloved. In Thor's case… coping.

It was hard to say how a god sometimes wished for Heimdall to leave his post for say sleep or meal, because this way Thor could at least _pretend_ his every action was not scrutinized and _judged, _even if he did nothing wrong. That he could have a sliver of privacy… wishing that there were more mages in Asgard to teach him Loki's tricks of evading gatekeeper's sight. Thor wanted to be _alone_… Anyway, it was a useless sentiment because it was simply impossible.

Thor felt ill at ease knowing that someone saw how he broke down late at nights when he woke up with a scream on his lips, dreaming of always being late to save Frigga and only watching that monster stabbing Loki, _Thor_ doing _nothing _to stop it. Sometimes his mother and brother were in the same room together, being slayed one after the other by the same blade in monster's giant hand. The worse was seeing them holding hands as they died, after what simultaneously turning to look at him - useless Thor, staying at the entrance of the chamber with Mjolnir - saying that he _failed_ them. Frigga would cry that she trusted him and Loki would whisper that Thor promised, remembering a long forgotten and broken vow to protect his little brother from any evil...

These nightmares kept him awake for a long time afterwards. After two days passed, his Jane - no matter how much she would love for Thor to stay with her - suggested he goes back to Asgard. Softer she asked him to visit his own doctors because constant stress Thor was under and this difficult painful stage of his life needed treating and professional help so not to make things worse. Telling her that there were no healers of a mind in Asgard - shrinks as mortals called them and had here everywhere in Midgard – hadn't dismayed Jane. She told him to talk to people. His friends, his _father_ because she believed they needed each other more than ever. Also to find people (if he wanted), who knew Loki as Thor knew him, she added quietly, and mourn him together.

But Thor… How was Thor to tell her that any talk with his father was impossible because... because Odin didn't want to talk about Frigga for he was not a man who revealed his feelings _even with his own son_, even when they should support each other _as family_, work together… All Father did not visibly – if at all - share his grief at Loki's loss and it was _exactly_ what Thor wanted to share. Thor wanted to talk, to open up his heart, _honestly_ without evading the subject, without holding old grudges and anger. Thor wanted… he wanted his only remaining parent's comfort.

_What was beyond doubt out of the question. It didn't matter that he saved Asgard. No, it didn't. All that mattered in the end of a day was that Thor dared to disobey All Father. _

How was Thor to act when people weren't there to understand what he saw, what he felt, just _how much_ his heart broke - warriors should be strong and never cry for it was beneath them. What if Thor didn't want - if only for a short time - to be a warrior? What if he didn't want to be the Crown Prince and take the throne... _be it damned by Norns, should have been destroyed by that grenade... _

And no matter how much Jane wished to spare Thor pain, he had to take care of Loki's body, to bring it home.

-O.O-

Immediately on arrival, Thor ordered to gather citizens in the throne room. Unsurprisingly there were no usual cheers and merriment at seeing their prince home, realm was still rebuilding and recuperating, people mourning their loved ones, but of course, they were glad and thankful for the Crown Prince destroying their hated enemies.

Of late Aesir did not know what to feel about their future king wandering around the palace more like a guest, choosing to spend his time more in little mortals' realm other than Asgard, preferring the company of mortals instead of Aesir. It was subtle and whispered in shadows but people worried. With recent events, they needed support of the royal family and confidence in their power to make people's life better. They have already lost their beloved Queen. The second prince was not spoken of, but all the same, citizens were curious and interested what has become of him. (_For years in the past Prince Loki left Asgard for his travels – some thought that not hearing of him for the last two years was no surprise_). In addition, the rumors of his failed attack on Midgard and possible serving some sentence reminded of punishments All Father bestowed upon Loki Odinsson through all the years for his misdeeds and mischief. It could be simply one of them.

(_Only few closest to the throne knew the truth but carried the vow of silence)_.

With the permission of the king Thor Odinsson made a statement and told his people what happened, not hiding his shame in betraying his realm to the astonishment of many Aesir. (Odin made sure Thor confessed and admitted his crime in front of his subjects - it seemed All Father had no patience to indulge Thor in anything from now on). After that without emotions, Thor stated the facts of the events held during the attack in Asgard and what followed next - in Svartalfheim, then finally in Midgard. It was no travel in the woods to kill a beast for glory, no defeating petty criminals to bring justice. It was _war_, with lives lost and fates changed. Curt answers and dry facts was the most Thor could make himself speak.

But when it was the turn to reveal Loki's fate, Thor's resolve failed. Warrior prince couldn't keep his cool demeanor any longer and let his emotions speak for themselves. Aesir with sinking hearts watched how tears were shed for a brother who has fallen for the other. After Thunderer finished his speech, he was pleasantly surprised how heartening the news was received when many of present citizens came to offer him condolences about his double loss. Unavoidable question about funeral was lifted and Thor numbly replied that next day he would return his brother's body home.

Thor noticed Odin watching the gathering from his sit on high throne with stone face. The future king couldn't find the words to express how hurt he was when father left him alone to deal with all of this.

_"It is a duty of a king"_ was his answer. Thor sometimes thought that being king somehow impeded you to be a good person. And if so then… Was it even _worth_ it?

-O.O-

"How is he?"

Standing at the entrance of the room Thor saw a woman who was the head of Healing Hall and personally took Loki as her patient, worrying at the table full of potions. She froze for a second startled by sudden words in the silence of these chambers, then continued to sort her things. Thor recognized her. Eir, she was his mother's friend. Not that Thor was a frequent guest in this place - he was the mighty Thor! - his opponents needed healing, not him.

_(Maybe once or twice, but more times than not Loki was there to treat his wounds... teasing in good humor that he would not tell anyone and embarrass him by showing how Thor failed. Thor endured that harmless teasing thinking it a good trade)._

So that was where Loki got a hold of this knowledge, Thor mused distractedly. He remembered Loki's fascination by healing arts in his youth when Loki often combined what he wanted to learn - healing, alchemy, potion making, dream walking. His brother was so intelligent, so crafty... Why ever Thor has stopped to admire him?

Thor timidly came into the room and looked over woman's shoulder to where his attention was directed.

Now that Loki was cleaned up, dressed in soft garments and carefully put in bed in royal wing of the Hall, fear that finding Loki alive was just a dream or a monstrous deception let Thor go for a little, but the concern grew doubly because who Thunderer saw before him was not Loki – rather not the Loki he was used to: strong, resourceful and shifty from any kind of problems - this Loki made Thor fear for him.

Now as small injuries were taken care of, stabbed wound covered in tight bandages, skin smeared by special ointment that made it mildly shine from the inside, the healing golden field placed over a patient to start straightening internal processes… Finally, it became apparent that the fight has only just begun.

"Not good, my Lord. Fever would not go down, also there are traces of infection. It is necessary to… _clean_ that area, no matter how troublesome it would be. And then there is a matter of his blood."

"What of it?" Thor felt entirely out of his place, being the one to determine the course of Loki's treatment. Sure, family took care of such matters if patient was unable to decide for himself, but in those times Loki was grievously injured or that one time centuries ago he was unconscious for weeks and near death – Loki answered for himself, or if he didn't – their mother took all responsibility on herself. Not even nurturing the hope that father would come and _help_ him in this, Thor accepted the fact that he would do this alone.

Eir didn't outright answer but walked to stand near Loki's bedside, graciously and carefully sitting on the edge. When she took Loki's good hand in hers Thor only blinked. Somehow Thor forgot that until recent years Loki was an affectionate type, always letting close people give him some sort of contact... seeking it. Loki always grinned when Thor gave him his usual squeeze of the neck or a pat on shoulder. His eyes always shone brighter when mother discreetly touched his hand when passing by him on many boring meetings. Thor had never thought that Eir was so familiar with his brother to become one of those people.

Not after everything that happened. Thor put a label of Loki being untouchable seeing changes that took place for the last years. _No one wanted to be near Mischief God, afraid of him or wanting to do nothing so not to indulge in trickster's schemes_. At least it was what Thor believed in wholeheartedly. But… As Thor watched dynamics of people around, no one _was_ afraid of Loki. Of course, he was deeply unconscious, but still – maidens treated younger prince with utmost care, even _affections_ (what was strange to see) – changing bandages, bathing him, rubbing healing oils; male healers provided every comfort so not to aggravate his wounds when moving a patient - even knowing Loki was unknowing of it all.

And if to think about it... Loki had no idea what was happening to him now so apparently he couldn't protest to others ministrations. But somehow, Thor thought his little brother just… wouldn't. Thor had no idea what being alone in the cell felt like for such a long time without any contact, so Loki might have… missed it?

Also Eir was so much like Frigga and maybe the motherly comfort was what Loki needed.

With much care, laying a limp pale hand above a blanket and absentmindedly touching Loki's forehead by the back of her fingers to check the temperature Eir finally turned to look at Thor. Thunderer was surprised to see deep traces of tiredness in her wise blue eyes.

"You must understand, my Lord that this tiny spark of magic might make his heart beating and his body breathing but... That is all we know. It doesn't mean that spark reaches anywhere else such as his brain or limbs. For all we could guess the light could be just... an after-death magical impulse that is left after a mage dies. It doesn't..." She trailed sorrowfully.

"It doesn't mean Loki is alive you are saying?" Thor breathed.

Eir tightened her lips.

"That is a possibility. There is a risk we could be treating an empty body when the Prince could be... dead. Only magic remained but the mage... He is gone. Or something similarly worse. He would have no recollection of who he was or... becoming entirely dependent on provided caretaker."

Thor stared in front of himself thinking. There was no need to panic yet. Eir said it was only a possibility. Then she could also be wrong. Loki could be simply asleep. He could still be himself.

Thor should take a tight grip of himself. Tears won't help the case, even as his eyes burned in the corners.

"I... I hoped..." Thor blinked. And straightened. "No matter. Even if there is a tiny chance that Loki is there somewhere still alive, who is still Loki and not an empty shell - I will fight for him. He... He saved my life. I will do the same. It's the least I can do." And he will. Thor will hold onto that. He promised himself – Loki would live and Thor would do anything to make it possible.

"I'm glad to hear it, my Prince. I don't think so myself but I list every possible outcome, even if it's hard to hear, I must warn you anyway, so you would be ready if worse happens." Eir stood and walked closer to Thor, who relaxed a bit when she touched his shoulder in comfort.

"So you don't think that, uh, what you just said would happen?" Thor asked awkwardly. A woman scared him but then said it was only possible, but not likely. He always thought healers were evil.

Eir smiled. "No. I think Loki would surprise us all and get back more strong than he was." Although then all traces of humor left her and she looked very serious, clenching her stare with Thor's.

"I didn't want to do it, but I have no choice, my Lord. I will plunge little bits of my and my best sorcerers' magic into Prince Loki, bit by little bit to straighten his own. It will be painful for him, I notify you so you wouldn't be caught unaware. Together it would fight infection that corrupted his blood and being. After some time when I decide it is enough, we will retreat our foreign seidr from his body so he would start heal his own."

Thor didn't know about magic all that much, but he understood what Eir wanted. He also knew some simpler ways.

"But why… Why not just extract all that infected blood from him _at once_? I know it is possible, I saw it done."

"My Lord. Then he will definitely die."

"WHY?" Thor growled impatiently. He was sick of hearing this horrid word. Die. Die. DIE. He saved Loki, so there should be no '_die'_!

Eir imperturbably looked him in the eyes, but it was seen she too was angry and overall helpless to do more. And Hall of Healing was no place for youth's tantrums.

"_Because_ without that foul blood we wouldn't have stood here and argued. Your brother would be long dead! It was the only thing that didn't let him die from a fatal wound, like it did your moth-" Eir realized what she has just said and put a hand on her mouth. She lowered her eyes at the floor and quietly apologized.

Thor flinched and took a step back. But it was true. Gods, it had to be true.

The only difference between Frigga's death and Loki's was the blood of that creature left on a blade. It meant, were the Fates merciful – the Queen could have also been saved.

Thor understood what Eir was going to do and agreed to her plans. It would be a slow process and very trying. But necessary to be done. Thor promised to come every day if he was not busy and watch the progress.

Leaving the Hall Thor went straight to his chambers. He wished to forget everything he heard today and all mental images of what _could_ happen (Loki sleeping forever, Loki waking and not remembering him, Loki relying on others to help him do simple things, Loki succumbing… Enough!). And if it – Norns forbid – happens, Thor would be there only to watch, because…

Just like with his mother, Thor was not able to change a thing. Only Loki could fight for his life, alone. Thor or no Thor – it would make no difference. That was what hurt most.

-O.O-

As much as Thor wanted things to be peaceful, not everything was in his control. Sometimes he had to compromise and step down to higher authority as not to make things worse.

Two days after speaking with Eir, she came to Thor to the training area, where Crown Prince was assigned to report about the number of warriors still ranking in the army and re-sort guards to where lives of others on duty were lost. It was a troublesome work, but Thor did not dare to go against Odin's orders.

"Prince Thor. Can I ask a little of your time?"

Thor turned his head and saw the Head Healer in her plain but yet rich robes with special white mantle thrown over one shoulder to show her belonging to a profession. Young soldiers bowed to Eir respectfully.

"Yes. Yes, of course. Excuse me."

Thor left the Captain of the royal guards to go on without him for now, meeting Eir half way and walking her to the side.

"I saw you positioned guards near my patient's room." Eir said not wasting time on pleasantries. If what any healer despised the most unnecessary complications were at the top of the list.

Thor sighed and turned to look above woman's shoulder where young warriors showed their skills.

"Loki is still… he is not permitted to have a free pass in Asgard. King's orders." Thor finished solemnly. He tried to explain Loki's situation and insist that his brother's condition was no threat – and won't be for a long time - but his father was unyielding.

"I… see. So saying that even if – _when_, I hope, Lord Loki awakes, you understand it will be a true hardship for him to even stand for many days or weeks, if his blood would still be poisoned – it will make no difference will there be guards or not? My patient is grievously _ill_. There is no need whatsoever for such foolish measures." Eir said with raised eyebrow. Thor looked at her and wished this woman tried to talk to father. Maybe she would have had succeeded.

"If guards would interfere with your work, I could ask to use magical restrains instead of-"

"Magical restrains? My Prince if you do it he will die instantly." Eir suddenly stressed, exasperated.

"Why? They were… Oh." Thor averted his eyes in shame. Eir deeply sighed.

"His life force is weak and almost gone - his body is technically dead. The small magic inside of him is the only thing holding him in the world of the living. Take it away and the thread is cut."

-O.O-

As days passed, for Thor life became the game of endurance. He was pulled from all sides, everyone had a task for him to do, everyone wished to speak with him, to grab his attention for any menial issue. It was maddening. Furthermore, he had to do this alone. His friends were relieved from their duties and not allowed to any kind of place near the throne and without fee, but free. However, it also meant they were a step away from being proclaimed outlaws – without a position, title and protection of the crown as any warrior had – any mistake and they are lost. Thor saw them often but had no time to stop and talk. Later, possibly.

With all his duties as the Crown Prince Thor also visited his brother every day, but there were no changes so far. But it was a relief – to come to this peaceful haven of tranquility among the infinite uproar and noise of palace life.

One of the side effects of giving magic wielder others magic were seizures. One time Thor came, he saw Loki's eyes barely open. It stopped him dead in his tracks.

_Loki's eyes were open! _

For so long Thor saw Loki lying in the bed motionless and so still, Thor simply got used to it. So the sight of any change put Thor in overdrive. Eir told him that soon there should be more movement from her patient – most of all from the pain – as drugs and magic would start its work.

_Gods, it finally happened_, Thor thought frantically as he rushed to Loki's side. _Loki woke up!_

"Loki? Oh Gods, you are awake. Loki. Can you hear me? Please answer me!"

But Loki didn't even twitch. Very carefully Thor cupped his brother's face in his hands crouching above the unmoving figure and turned the face that way that Loki 's eyes were on the line with his.

On Thor's excited shout, Eir loudly opened the doors of adjusted chamber and quickly walked closer to the brothers. Thor watched as a woman came in, but continued to hold Loki, caressing black hair and carefully shaking Loki's shoulder trying to get reaction out of him. With obvious unwillingness, an older brother had to let younger go, standing so Healer could take his place. But he stayed right behind her shoulder, too nervous and hopeful to stand still.

Eir checked the green eyes with light – no reaction. _Nothing_. Then routinely making the rest of examination, in the end checking the bandages, Eir turned to look at Thor. She was sincerely sorry to distinguish that light from those blue eyes.

"The seizure must have resulted in his eyes muscles to move. But… it changes nothing in his condition. I am sorry, my Lord."

Thor's eyes widened and he made a sound somewhere between gasp and whimper. He looked from Eir to Loki - lingering - and back, and then… it seemed as if all strength left him at once. His shoulders fell and he shook his head.

Future King was fine with Eir seeing him break from day to day, struggling with so many problems – she was the only one from whom he didn't hide how he felt. Thor didn't hide his extreme desire for Loki to wake from her either, often speaking about his little brother with her, remembering their past adventures. Eir – if she had no patients to see to – joined Thor some days and together they spend late evenings in pleasant conversations. Eir even had a few stories herself to share regarding young trickster. It was subtle but Head Healer saw how the fact that Thor could talk to someone about his brother freely helped him, so she continued to do so. She healed not only wounds of flesh. She could help with wounds of heart either.

_He should have known_. With a pained crooked smile Thor turned to look at Eir's wise face.

"No, no. Don't be. I understand. It's just…Never mind."

The healer didn't say anything else. With great care she positioned her patient's head back on a soft pillow and by the tips of her fingers gently lowered Loki's eyelids down, apologizing but insisting it to be done because eyes could become dry and sore.

When those green irises hid behind their lids, Thor couldn't help but feel like with Loki's eyes shut, the hope of what could be was also shut from him. He was so disappointed, needing something to keep him believing that all will be well soon. Thor started to get familiar with those flairs of hope being extinguished like candle fire in the wind.

Just another day of loss.

-O.O-

A/N: I want to believe that Asgard doesn't particularly gives a flying fuck about mortals as Thor does. To think about it, why would they? In their arrogance, they could even support Loki in wishing to rule that rock of breeding mortals with no order and finery, living with backward developments in all spheres of magic, technology and life, lost in constant confrontations and destroying each other. My another point is that Loki's sentencing (it was no trial) was completely void of witnesses – only Odin, Frigga and guards present - what leaves me to guess that Aesir don't really know what happened, and in someone's cases actually _don't care_. Just another one of Loki's being a little shit. So when they hear Loki died saving his brother, it looks more noble than if they knew about dynamics in the House of Odin and all their dirty secrets and lies. Saint Odin doesn't need that bad publicity, right? I really don't know if Asgard knew about Loki being Jotun (I didn't find it in canon so far) or of Warriors 3 and Sif revealing events of Loki's attacking them and other bad stuff. We don't actually know much, do you agree? So I made my own guesses :D

A/Nx2: Part II of Endurance is almost done so stick with me X)


	4. Endurance Part II

A/N: Your comments are amazing. Thank you all, dears! Thanks _krystal lazuli_ for beta'ing.

~ Chapter 4 ~

Endurance. Part II

-O.O-

Bit by a little bit life in Asgard came back to normal, works were put in motion and people were mostly occupied, because when they had a task before them, it distracted them from changes that bombarded Asgard instead of the measured life they had before.

Although in all this game in harmony, many were displeased and quite angered, not liking a 'new course' chosen by their King Odin in the aftermath of battle: harsh training by old veterans of wars instead of young warriors with a fresher view on fighting style (replacing Lady Sif with _Tyr_ became a nightmare to new recruits), more reducing the flow of funds, leaving families to find their own means of surviving and feeding families. Asgard was to be on lockdown from any other realm for the time being – they didn't need anyone's (most of all any meaningless mortal's) unwelcome presence. This brought on difficulties in trade and somewhat darkened diplomatic relations between the other Realms.

Even seeing Heimdall bound and silent made people nervous and frightened, doubting for their safety and the safety of their children. Because if you can't even trust those who swore to obey your king and ruler - where did it leave them other than to drown in chaos?

In addition, largely unnoticed, a special someone was mutely teetering on the edge. It was none other than the son of the great King. Ever since he came back from battle on Midgard… No, not that. Ever since Thor dared to bring Jane Foster to Asgard, Odin displayed his worst traits, which were hidden well until now. And without his wife beside him nothing could prevent All Father Odin from doing _anything he pleased_, and it would be in his right.

Thor also was upset with Odin's rule, but it was more personal, though as a citizen Thor was unhappy like everyone else. His father, it seemed, made it his life's aim to make Thor miserable. The amount of assignments was never-ending, from supervising the changes that were put in motion regarding Asgard newest reforms to reconstruction of Bor's statue.

It was no surprise that Odin didn't visit the Healing Halls even though he often walked nearby. It was no surprise for _Thor_ – no matter how insulting it was towards Loki – but to others… Many nobles that one way or the other got caught under the hot hand of Odin, started to speculate as to why All Father was so indifferent to the fate of his miraculously survived son and all possible reasons for stationing guards at the doors when it was obvious Loki Odinsson – _if_ he ever wakes (what was under great doubt) – would not run or escape or disobey. The other rumor was as to why Odin was so harsh and even cruel to Thor Odinsson (when the heir to the throne protected Asgard), commissioning on him more and more responsibilities so Thor in despair hid away in his brother's presence.

The Prince's friends, Volstagg, Fandral, and Lady Sif lately fell into a general disfavor as Odin proclaimed them freeloaders which was shameful in the eyes of Aesir. It meant they could not even take a place as a servant until the king would see it fit to show mercy. (_As if Odin ever will with things going the way they did_). Fortunately for them, their parents were holding decent positions in society so cast out warriors would not die from hunger or suffer from the lack of shelter. What could not be said though was how to regain back their honor, the most important Aesir trait.

As for Thor – he was to stay in Asgard and do his duty as a Crown Prince and future king to the realm.

-O.O-

Thor was feeling resigned as he walked to his father's chambers having been summoned. Another assignment for him to carry out, he thought. Entering after getting permission Thor saw his father standing at balcony, feeding his black raven. Waiting in silence until Odin will address him, Thor considered what his father could possibly want from him.

"I need a warrior to keep a watch over borders. Threat is gone but who knows what else lurks in the shadows." Odin did not turn to see his son as he said it, just continued to observe his bird.

Thor watched his father in confusion. What he was talking about was a duty for any available guard or nobleman if he was to volunteer – any would be suited for a job.

"Then... send someone." He said awkwardly. Stepping from foot to foot Thor waited patiently.

Or was it now his duty also – to be an errand boy exhorting guards?

Odin smirked and turned, looking at his son curiously (_But something in his eye almost immediately agitated Thor_). Then he asked in faked amusement.

"Why not you? Asgard's hero would surely bring hope and joy to those lands. People would be happy seeing their future king."

Thor's heart skipped a beat. Then galloped like crazy. Thunder God watched his father in quiet horror. If Odin still played in punishment, then it has gone too far!

"I _can't_ leave Loki for so _long_." Thor answered with all the suppressed fury he was capable of. They were talking about _months_!

"Loki won't go anywhere. He is comatose. Your presence near him is of no importance." Odin took off his glove, put it away and turned to exit his chamber, dismissing Thor's obvious panic.

"Not impor- Father!" Thor rushed after old man, not quite daring to grab his shoulder so he would stop to listen. "Please. I need to be here. What if he would die and no one-"

"Then he would die!" All Father barked in annoyance.

Odin was a couple of steps away from the doors when his son's voice stopped him dead in his treks.

"Mother wouldn't have wanted Loki to be treated like that on his deathbed."

Slowly swiveling back Odin saw Thor looking at him with a stony expression. But his blue eyes betrayed him. They were a moment from shedding bitter frustrated tears.

"Be it me there, you wouldn't have been so dismissive and cruel. And all of that because I am your only heir." Quickly rubbing his eyes. "Do you truly care not for him? Do you – even now – not _see_ him? After everything, he has done for me, for mother. Is it true that the throne for you is so important that you won't even give a thought about a son you could lose forever? How could you be so cold…?"

Thor walked out without a glance in his father's way. The questions he asked had gone unanswered.

-O.O-

It was not surprising that after almost two weeks of constant distress Thor has had enough. He snapped. The final straw was a result of his conversation with father, when Odin sent the most unexperienced and youngest from the royal guards to the borders. Thor needed to get out, to get out from Asgard. _Now_.

Finding All Father was easy, the King was giving an audience to families that lost their sons in attack. Fathers, mothers, wives and children, all worried and frightened stood on the side of the throne room, waiting to be addressed while All Father listened to his advisors.

"My apologies, my king. I have an urgent matter to you."

"I am busy right now, Thor." Odin nodded to his advisors to continue. Old men hesitated seeing as the Crown Prince didn't stop on his way but walked right past them.

"It would not take much time."

Coming closer to the throne, Thor furrowed his brows at elders, who backed down only after a little hesitation. Soon the Son of Odin stood only a few stairs down and spoke with quiet words, so that only his father would hear him.

"I am going to Midgard for a couple of days, father. If I don't, I do not know what I could do in my anger." There was a promise in his blue eyes – promise to do something reckless if he wouldn't be given exactly what he wanted.

Odin looked at him sternly but the only sign that he was furious was an almost unnoticeable clenching of his white bearded jaw. Fixing his eye on the crowd behind Thor, All Father gave the tiniest smile. Thor hoped he would never see it again.

"Go, my son. I hope your mortal woman will soothe your nerves so you would serve your realm all the way better."

Thor didn't react to the obvious jab but nonetheless bowed to hide how his father's words affected him. Odin spoke quietly - but not enough so others couldn't have heard. No matter. He got his permission, Heimdall would let him pass and he would finally run from here. But first, he had one piece of unfinished business.

-O.O-

Thor caught Eir in the corridor and told her that he would leave for a short while, demanding to know if there was _any_ possibility for Loki to wake, even though he knew that answer was no. Eir shook her head sorrowfully and reassured him that her magic had a few more days before it would start to affect her patient.

"I see. I... I'll come back. I just need... I need to _go_." Maybe it was something in his voice that betrayed him, because Eir was quick to take his hand and squeeze it.

"Of course, my Lord." Eir nodded. Thor knew that he was seen as running but he had to get out. Or he would do something stupid.

"Please, make sure he is not left alone." Loki was the only reason that did not allow him leave outright and Thor needed to know that his brother would be taken good care of.

"Of course he wouldn't – I'll be there, my Lord. I will do everything for you brother." A young god smiled. Then he bowed and kissed Eir's lovely calloused hand.

"Thank you so much, Lady Eir." With that, Thor left on a final task.

-O.O-

It was surreal to be treated like that. People _avoided_ them. Never before were they short of the company of others, least of all prince's, but now they lived in an untouchable cocoon, walking in shadows, silent and glum. _Unbearable_. It was expected from others to treat them as nothing. Of course, many stayed in contact but _only_ in the safety of the shadows which was demeaning. To see a nobleman or maiden in the presence of the disgraced was shameful and could bring harm to one's reputation.

They did not regret it, because that way they would not need to renounce the most important thing they had – their friendship with Thor, and no one, not Volstagg, not Fandral, nor Sif would _ever_ do that.

_Besides, the one who they so wished to see was walking directly toward them! _

They had not seen Thor in weeks, with the future king being engaged with all kinds of responsibilities (and them – with nothing) and when he was free – Thor was with Loki in the Healing Rooms, where the passage was strictly forbidden to the likes of them - and not only because Thor didn't trust them to even breathe in Loki's presence, but even if they were injured they were forced to use another method of healing – thus another requirement in their punishment.

"My friends." Thor stopped under an oak tree near the training area but situated away from prying eyes. Oft they relaxed in this exact place after a good round of practice fighting. Thor was not surprised to see his comrades here. Where else would they be?

His quiet voice was like a jolt of electricity, it made Sif quickly stand on her feet already closing the distance between her and Thor. Fandral grabbed Volstagg's arm and dragged him forward.

"Thor!" Sif exclaimed happy, smiling.

"Finally you found time to see your old friends. So what if a month has passed, huh?" Fandral chuckled, but his joke went unnoticed by Thor. He only nodded.

"Really, my prince! We haven't seen you for so long!" Volstagg clasped a hand with Thor. Thunderer gripped his arm back with a little smile.

"I am sorry for abandoning you. I have been… busy." He cleared his throat and furrowed his brows so they wouldn't see just how tired he was. Their own lives must not be pleasant as well, but until he was king, he could do nothing to help them.

"But you are here with us now! We could do so much-" Sif started, but Thor didn't want her to misunderstand the reason he was here.

"I... I wish to visit Jane. I am going to Midgard. I need her calming presence."

It was funny to see how quickly their faces fell, if only Thor didn't think that he would rather cry than laugh.

"Leaving again?" Fandral asked lightly as if nothing happened. He was always the one to try lightening the mood. Volstagg meanwhile became more worried and coughed awkwardly as if what he was saying was some kind of secret.

"My friend, people are talking. Rumors fly that you don't care about us." Thor noticed how the other two silently agreed with voluminous man.

"Madness! _Of course_ I care!" _If only people knew just how much_. His thunderous protest though gave up to weariness that ate at his very soul. "But as of now I am tired of this constant… rush. I just wish for quiet."

Life-long friends looked at each other in silence for some time. Sif was frowning, glaring in the distance, but at least trying to keep her temper in check. _Of course Thor would go to Jane instead of them. It must be some Midgardian foul magic that kept taking their friend from them_.

Volstagg still looked worried – their reputation aside, _Thor's_ was more important and his friend wasted it on mortals. And in the times like this! People would be displeased.

Fandral was the one to break the silence. "Tis good, my friend. Safe journey."

"Is there anything we could do for you?" Sif asked with a small smile.

"Thank you. But... But I need... Someone to..." Thor closed his eyes. "Loki. I need someone to look after him in my stead."

That made Aesir startle and freeze. Thor just watched a scowl appearing on Sif's mouth, wiping out that small smile so quickly, incredulity shining on Volstagg's face, Fandral's widening eyes. Did they think that after all of them had threatened Loki with murder, Thor would actually _let_ them watch over him? Back then Thor needed Loki for his usefulness (trying to drown any other reason with fervor), but now Thunderer would rip the heads of everyone who would dare harm Loki in anyway after Thor went on such measures to assure his little brother being was still alive. Not when the spot beside Loki became the safest place in Asgard, where he could be himself – Thor – and not the Crown Prince and future king, _Odin's son_.

His friends were not stupid. They should realize it.

And it's just… Who else could Thor ask?

His thoughts were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. "It is all right, Thor. I'll stay with him." Fandral said sincerely with a little hesitant smile.

"You will?" Thunderer did not look at him. His tone was cold. It was important and Thor would make sure they realize it.

"But of course. Even if he... I'm sure Loki would be glad to see a familiar face should you be away when he awakens."

At Thor's still distrustful frown, Fandral put away his smile and seriously said.

"I will not fail you, my friend. Loki is safe with me. _I swear_."

Only with an oath spoken did tension finally leave Thor's shoulders, and he chuckled, clapping Fandral on his back.

"Thank you, my friend. Look after him."

Staying only to tell them that only Fandral will be permitted to enter Loki's rooms, Thor left his saddened friends with a promise to find time when he returned in two days.

-O.O-

God of Thunder had no desire to see Heimdall but unfortunately he had to. Since all that had happened, Thor found himself feeling guilty thinking of gatekeeper, even though his friend himself decided to disobey All Father. And if he didn't, who knows what would have become of the Eternal Realm? So… there should be no shame, right?

But seeing that bracelet, not hearing the usual friendly greeting, feeling a stare drilling in the back of his head as he stood at position – all Thor wanted was to leave and the sooner the better. Heimdall could be thinking anything – from wishing to congratulate Thor on his victories in his duties, to hating him for being in this situation or judging Thor for protecting a traitor and keeping him in luxury while Heimdall suffers in silence – Thor had no idea. Maybe the gatekeeper wanted to keep Thor away from Jane but had no right to disobey. Maybe…

Those awful images unnerved Thunderer that was why he did not come here as often as he did before. He didn't want to be responsible about this either. Thor had enough on his plate already.

-O.O-

She was as beautiful as he's last seen her.

"Thor! You are here!"

And just as lovable.

After Jane let him into her home and they had properly greeting each other, Thor was glad to put away Mjolnir, take off his red cape and just relax. They spent all day together, doing absolutely nothing and caring about it not at all. Jane forgot her work and stayed close to Thor, happy to have him here but knowing that something was not right, judging by the tension in his shoulders and circles under the blue eyes. She let it go for a while, giving Thor a choice if he wanted to speak about it or not. But as evening neared, Thor's mood only worsened. When a god didn't hear her question for a third time, Jane decided that enough was enough.

"Thor. What is it?"

Said god bit his lip and smiled, realizing that he was caught. But just as quickly his smile morphed into something so broken and sorrowful Jane got immediately alarmed.

"Loki he is... He… he's _alive_." There was no point in telling her about his increased responsibilities or fights with father or his people's misery. Loki – this was what troubled and scared him most. His brother and his not waking up.

Jane was looking at Thor in a mix of confusion, worry, fear, surprise and hesitant joy.

"He's ... _Oh my god_! Really? But - we saw him _die_!" Jane suddenly became serious, looking her god in the eyes. "Or was it a trick? Thor you should make sure of that- Thor?"

When Thor stayed silent with his eyes closed tightly shut, Jane realized that something was seriously wrong. If Loki was alive then why was Thor so broken? Or had Loki have done something evil again?

"Please tell me what happened. Come on. Tell me about Loki." She would not jump to conclusions and would stay silent (even if suspicions shone bright in her head). Thor needed her strong. She would listen. "Is he up and about, not letting you catch your breath? He is the God of Mischief, right?... _Thor_." It was painful to even look at Thor right now.

"I... I don't ... He is not... I found him where I left him. Nothing changed but he had a breath in his chest and I rushed back to Asgard with him and..." Jane nudged him to continue.

"What happened next?" She asked softly.

Thor sat and looked at Jane with so much grief, doctor forgot about modesty and sat in Thor's lap, hugging his neck. It seemed Thor waited exactly for that – for someone to hold him. Burying his face in brown hair, Thor let the suffocating tension go, relaxing in his love's presence. Jane was smoothing his hair, still holding Thor close. She almost missed his words, they were barely a whisper.

"... Healers are saying that it is possibly just a residual magic that gathered together as it's host... died. It means Loki is - is indeed dead and all that left is his magical aura that would disappear eventually too. I WANT to believe it's not truth, that Loki is there, that he is holding on, that he would someday open his eyes, that... _Jane_..." On her name, a god suddenly let out a sob.

"Oh Thor..." The dam broke and Thor was finally talking, letting everything out.

"He won't wake. I hoped it would be simple but… Jane. My- my mother did not survive the same injury. And Loki – he is so strong, so strong, Jane. Always had been… I wish for nothing more than for him to open his eyes and reassure me that I haven't lost almost _everything_ in Asgard, that my family could be saved with father in such emotional peril. I… My father becomes a stranger for me, my friends are proclaimed traitors and they are no help with their so righteous opinions when they simply don't _understand_… I work non-stop, one task after the other. I need help, Jane, it is so difficult to be responsible for so many things and there is no one by my side to give advice, to ease the burden, to reassure. It was supposed to be Loki there, Jane! Loki! _Why_ is he _not_ beside me?!..."

It was still unreal to see Thor Odinsson cry in her arms. Maybe she fantasized that the God of Thunder was indestructible, but like any other man, he hurt too. Especially with so much on his plate. So she just let herself be his anchor. She would try to help him.

"I want my brother back, I can't lose him, can't let him go, can't lose him AGAIN! His death would forever be my fault and I can't live with it. He must survive, must wake up, he must... _he must_."

"But there is still hope, yes?" She asked tentatively. Thor sniffed.

"... He lays there, alive but at the same time, he is not _there_. He is lost and I am afraid... afraid that I lost him but still don't know about it."

The next day when it was time to say goodbye, Jane hugged Thor really tight for her small stature and quietly asked him to tell Loki thank you when he woke up, assuring him that he would. She was grateful Loki had saved her and glad he survived. 'Get better soon', as Jane said. Thor kissed her and with much lighter heart after his time with Lady Jane he called for Heimdall.

It was time to go back in Asgard.

-O.O-

Fandral was wrong to believe that looking after senseless God of Mischief would be an easy feat. It was actually the first time Fandral saw him since when Loki had fallen on his 'borrowed' craft, literally falling from the sky. Back then to avoid any possible confrontation, seeing Loki in chains when the last time he had been sitting on the throne – Fandral joked. On the ship Loki ignored his presence and had eyes only at Thor… even if his expression turned cold as soon as Loki turned to the wheel.

All in all, Loki looked his usual self. Of course, his hair grew longer, he looked worse for the wear and his eyes showed more disdain and zealous delight than even in his most famous days of grand mischief accomplished.

Now…

Fandral was thankful that others weren't permitted to be here in Thor's absence. He knew there was curiosity in Volstagg's mind and stubborn need for Sif to know everything related to Thor, but Thor said clearly – no one was to enter except Fandral (and only because he swore an oath).

The sight of Loki's unconscious form was unnerving. Fandral felt intruding seeing Loki like that – defenseless and weak. Lifeless. It was not easy to stop looking at him – knowing he had no right, but unable to stop – because the image was unreal. Loki Liesmith. Loki Silvertongue. A friend once… A true brother to Thor still.

Not only was the sight unthinkable to come to term with, but also the smells of so many drugs, potions, and herbs were too much (_how did Thor do it?)._ The constant buzz of the magic field around Loki made the situation all too real. All the more tragic.

It was inevitable for him really, that Fandral felt newfound respect for Loki. Not only because he had saved Thor and protected him, not because he killed Kursed – the dark elf soldier, but more so that he fought with death and stayed alive. This fight was still going, but Fandral was somehow sure Loki would win.

It was really quiet here. Strangely calming. Pretty young maiden healers came and went, and even if they paid Fandral no mind concentrating only on Loki (lucky scoundrel) at least they were a joy to his eyes.

A few days looking after Loki were also a little relief knowing that here no one would look at him as a traitor and warrior without a sword. Fandral thought he understood how Thor felt coming here every day. It was indeed a haven. Not minding the guards who were distrustful seeing him here but they served Thor's orders. (If Fandral was being sincere with himself, those guards mayhap wanted him removed from Loki's side, so _he_ would not stain the second prince's peaceful sleep with his shameful presence. Odin's sentence was a curse through and through – even Loki was now more respected than Asgard's former champions!).

But no matter. He made a choice and now lived with consequences. Pity that there were no changes in Loki's condition. But also a blessing. If Loki woke up and Thor missed it, Fandral would have blamed himself. Thor had to be the first person Loki sees when he _needless to say surely_ wakes – it was their moment, between brothers. Fandral would never rob them of it.

-O.O-

Eir informed Thor that after a week of delicately pouring magic into Loki's own, she finally stopped her sessions and said it was enough. It also meant that it should result in some kind of reaction from Loki. The Head Healer said Loki could possibly wake up as well.

Thor came back after two days with Jane more calm and soothed, but still burdened with everything because it wouldn't go away. His father greeted him back as it became usual between them – by a nod and dismissing hand. Thor was only glad that All Father didn't have some task for him to see to. So not waiting, Thor went to Loki's chamber and before he would be summoned, he desired to spend his time here. His chambers were too empty nowadays without his friends coming in, without his mother taking him for a walk in the gardens, without Loki trying to keep him _in_ the room, instead of going on some dangerous adventure.

It was after dinner, when everyone in the palace started to get ready for bed, when Loki woke.

Thor was sitting near windows where sun was still barely shining flipping through a Midgard fantasy book Jane had given him to read to pass the time. So far it was entertaining if mostly ridiculous. But she was right – it was better than looking through treaties.

At first, Thor heard the sound of sheets moving. Accustomed to absolute silence in these walls a god couldn't comprehend what he was seeing when he turned to look. Loki's hands grabbed the sheets around his body almost ripping them. Then a gasp and a hiss, Thor watched Loki's face wincing in pain, his body tensing like a string. Thunderer finally snapped out of his shock and flew to Loki's bedside, wincing at the sight of Loki arching his back even as it was apparent it hurt Loki even more.

"Loki? Oh _gods_! Loki? Can you hear me? It is I... Loki? Loki!" It was no hardship to hold his little brother pressed down, but Thor thought that even his light grip was too much for that fragile body.

Loki silently opened his eyes. It would have been amazing if those eyes were not glassy, pouring with tears of pain and suffering. Loki was scratching at his wound as if trying to open it up. He was burning up.

"Loki, stop it! Please! _Help_! _Eir_! _Hurry_! Loki brother listen to me –" Just like the last time Eir ran into the room with two apprentices, her eyes widening in seeing Loki in that terrible state. Quickly whispering something to her assistants, Eir walked to Thor.

"He can't hear you, Thor." She nodded to him to continue hold Loki down.

"What are you-" Thor blinked. Loki woke. It couldn't be another false alarm. _Couldn't_, because Loki _woke_!

"He doesn't know you are here. All he knows is agony. My Prince…" Seeing Eir give him a pitying look set Thor's already shaken state in fire. Damn it all to Hel!

"What? Tell me!" Eir put her lips in tight line. Head Healer nodded to her girls and a moment later, they left a room, but not before leaving a cup of something freshly prepared with strong smell of some flower on a desk, quietly shutting a door behind them. Then a woman turned to Thor. She had information to share.

"Loki's condition made me work harder on what I knew to find out, what exactly happened and why my prince is still holding on. I have no actual proof but… I saw bodies of our men who fell from that creature. Your brother became infected with the curse that made that Dark Elf transform him into a monster. I know that Loki is a talented shape-shifter but no one here knows anything about Dark Elves – you grandfather destroyed them all. I have absolutely no idea how Loki survived but my theory… Loki's magic - joined with the Kursed' blood - lasted long enough to heal a wound in his chest to a degree, after what tried to get rid of an intruder. I don't believe it was a pleasant experience… I can only imagine the pain…the fear and confusion not understanding what metamorphoses took place in his body… I think Loki genuinely thought that he was dying."

"Then how did he…" Thor looked at Loki like at something marvelous. His amazing broken brother.

"I like to think – by sheer stubbornness, my lord." Eir lifted Loki's head and carefully dripped contents of the vial she took out of the folds of the dress into his mouth. "The Kursed' blood was on a blade and poisoned him. It is a horrible ordeal to suffer. That blood is unnatural and sick. The body burns from within trying to heal itself. It is excruciating."

"Then do something." Thor gritted through his teeth in quiet rage. He was so angry this has happened to Loki. Eir shot him a glance and shifted closer to Loki.

"Hold him so that he can't free himself. I need to rub that ointment into his wound. It will hurt. But the infected flesh should start to heal properly." She summoned that cup on a desk with magic, and took a great amount of ointment ready for use. Thor stared at it and understood he didn't want to do it to Loki. But he had to.

"Yes. I- All right. I'm sorry, Loki." Last words he whispered.

Loki's eyes shot open and quickly filled with blood as the gauze first touched his wound. For the first time Loki screamed in pain. Thor was sure his scream was heard in all of Asgard. Thunderer held Loki as Eir rubbed the gauze on the front, then turned him as she did it on Loki's back, all the while as his brother was screaming and crying, blind and deaf to everything around him. Thor should give Eir a credit – she finished very quickly, her work precise as always. Or maybe she couldn't hear the pain in the voice of a man she knew from when he was just a boy and was very dear to her.

When everything was over Thor carefully laid a trembling body back on a bed. Loki's eyes and mouth were tightly shut, his body exhausted from an ordeal and completely spent.

"It is not over, Thor." A healer whispered, touching blonde's arm in comfort. "Loki should continue to fight or he would succumb once and for all. I could only put him to sleep."

"Then do it. I can't... I can't see him like that."

"Of course."

Hours later after Eir has gone to her adjusted chamber and apprentices for a second time left this room, in the silence of these walls Thor sat on the floor, his back propped to the side of the bed, his head leant back on white sheets. In both his hands, he was holding Loki's, discolored and burnt. Thor sat with his eyes on the ceiling, continuously stroking thin fingers. Fingers, which held the hilt of a knife later buried in his side. The same fingers which controlled magic capable of deceiving strongest of foes. Fingers which with the same passion held a weapon that destroyed their enemy and pressed a little human body down to the ground to protect it from danger.

"Please Loki. Please fight. And come back."

-O.O-

Even when that Dark Elf stabbed Loki his brother was silent, never giving the monster the satisfaction of hearing him scream. And even now, not fully regaining consciousness and suffering Loki was silent, his pain held inside muted. Thor tried and failed to save himself a heartbreak thinking what has happened to Loki to teach him act like that. For even the strongest warriors he knew let themselves feel relative relief in making a sound of their suffering. No one thought him or her weak for this, but... Thor felt pride - even if Loki wouldn't ever accept such sentiment from him - he was so proud of Loki.

-O.O-

One day Odin came to see by his own eye that Loki lived. He chose a time late at night when others were asleep and Thor was absent. He didn't need witnesses.

Old king was highly suspicious of this whole situation but… soon he had to forget about his fears. At least for the time being.

Loki lay in a wide bed in secured sector of the healing rooms. He looked... ill. Loki slept but peace avoided him. Even unconscious he suffered from pain, his body burned in fever, his limbs trembled, tiny almost unnoticeable noises of distress and pain left his tightly shut lips.

The sight made Odin strangely falter. He came with straight intentions to put a stop for Thor's foolishness, hearing that his son spend his time not with his subjects improving upon his lost favor from people with his leaving for Norns damned Midgard, choosing to forget his own people, then his treason. Thor dared to disrespect him, so let him repent until he, Odin, sees that arrogance beaten from that blond head. And Loki. To release such a threat for selfish reasons! For that _woman_.

Somehow he forgot what is it you feel seeing your child writhe in pain. Your heart hurts and you want to do anything so you could see your boy calm again.

With great caution Odin sat in a chair near bedside. When after minutes spend in silence he couldn't stand Loki's distress anymore he carefully put his weathered hand on boy's forehead to give him some strength to fight and calm him. Frigga was always the best in healing. As was Loki under her teaching.

But Frigga was gone and Loki struggled to heal himself. Where did it leave him or Thor?

Nowhere. They were useless. Only good for watching others suffer.

The thought made Odin flinch.

-O.O-

A week has passed after Loki woke up. Woke up but not returned. Loki was still on his way to regaining his consciousness, his focus, his quick mind and memories, on his way to recognize faces and be free of his feverish dreams. Thor was glad to hear the news that Loki's temperature started to drop and his sleep became calmer. Eir's nurses excitedly assured Thor that Prince Loki would truly wake up in near days – at least all the signs showed it. Thor was relieved and stayed with sleeping Loki all the time so not to miss his brother's comeback. He was feeling how day to day his spirits rose more and more, anticipating their reunion. There was also fear, poisonous disgusting fear as to how Loki would act after he wakes. Would Loki be grateful the fates spared him? Would he curse that death evaded him once again? (Because Loki _let go_, he let himself _fall_, Thor would never forget it, he would never be able). And how would Loki accept Thor? Their last words were… painful and truthful as Thor believed. They had so little time to speak their hearts…

What meant Thor was going to take this gift and use it unreservedly. He would cherish it and would start anew. Thor hoped Loki would support him in this.

Thor observed that the gray mottling was receding a little, already Loki had clean skin on his forehead and the left side of his face. But his right cheek, jaw and his right hand were still the most prominent. However, Eir told him that it would fade pretty soon. Loki's blood started to clean and in no time, he would return to his handsome face, as she joked.

Thor was dozing, when he felt a hand in his moving as if trying to recognize what held it by touch. Thor's eyes flew open and he was awake completely noticing how it was too early for any to raise yet, but glimmerings of dawn showed their presence through the windows. But Thor threw this little detail away in the back of his mind as unimportant. What occupied his whole and total attention was fluttering of black lashes, trying to free those green eyes from the cage of deep sleep, a high rise of lean chest and changed breathing rhythm that gave up a proof that a person was not sleeping anymore. Thor wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming all of this, but couldn't let go of Loki, kneeling beside a bed to better see his brother's… _awakening_. Thor's waiting ended at last. With baited breath, Thor watched as those eyes blinked a couple of times and slowly found his. Finally.

"Loki. Welcome back."

-O.O-

A/N: We were waiting for it and now it is here! Long-awaited awakening.

A/Nx2: I have read about many theories about how Loki survived or that it was a mere illusion. I personally like to think that Loki was indeed stabbed but then… :D Well, this chapter explains my opinion.

A/Nx3: You know... About All Father. I could have made Odin act differently if only I believed _for a second_ he was capable of it. Trying to imagine Odin from the movies try to be less... evil? heartless? cruel?... I regrettably came out empty handed. (He ordered to shoot Thor down, his only son! and _don't let me start on Loki!)_ Of course there are other stories with Odin grabbing his head and realizing just what the hell he has done, old fool, then trying to mend things, but… not in mine. I just don't see it. I imagine Odin as he was in the end of TDW and... Don't you think he deserves whatever Loki's possibly done to him? *lazy grin*

See you next chapter and thank you for reading!


	5. Awakening

A/N: Sorry for the wait, I found myself rather busy these weeks. But in my defense - the chapter is long so please enjoy!

(My thanks once again to _krystal lazuli_ for betaing this thing and _Saramagician_ for her amazing help. If there are mistakes, they are mine).

~ Chapter 5 ~

Awakening

"Loki. Welcome back."

Loki slowly blinked a couple of times until finally turning his head to where he heard the voice. Green found blue and all Thor's fears about Loki somehow sabotaging his survival got wiped out by the look of pure wonder arising on his brother's too pale face. Loki looked at him like for the first time, memorizing his face as if he couldn't believe Thor was really here.

Thor leaned closer and put a hand on his brother's cheek, wiping a tear that fell from a green eye. Loki opened his mouth to say something, but his lips only trembled and he quietly gasped. Then he tried again.

"I thought… I would never see you again." Loki whispered barely heard so Thor leaned even closer so their foreheads touched. Thor held him as close as possible, savoring the moment. This was the moment he had waited for since he came back from Svartalfheim.

"So did I." Thor cupped that face gently, watching how Loki – still tired and weak – with difficulty raised his own hands to touch Thor's, not removing, but _holding on._ Grounding himself. It surely must be overwhelming for his brother.

Thor smiled softly, happy and content. He wanted to relish this moment, wanted to tell Loki he was so glad he survived. He wanted his brother to know he was proud of him.

"Loki, I..." Thor stopped when he felt that something was wrong. "Brother?"

But Loki's expression – from weary and peaceful - suddenly became painfully self-aware and panicked, like only just now it dawned on him what was happening. The state he was in, the place.

The quiet tender moment abruptly ended as Loki opened his mouth to ask something, but no words came out. Blinking up tears Loki turned his face away, burying it in a pillow, avoiding looking at Thor, his body starting to shake with unreadable emotions.

"Loki what is it? What is _wrong_? Are you in pain?" The blond god couldn't find the reason for Loki's behavior. He had to go find Eir if it was because of pain – Loki could be suffering right now!

"_Why_…?" Was asked with such a broken voice Thor froze.

"What..." Thor kneeled back down where he jolted to go after Eir.

"Why am I here?"

"Here?" Gods, his hands were trembling no less than Loki's.

"A-alive..."

"Oh brother..."

"How is it possible? Why am I still here? I shouldn't have- I should have-"What he should have done got abruptly interrupted with a sudden sob torn from the heaving chest. From closed lids tears run down imperfect skin. The pained expression on Loki's face, made Thor almost plead.

"Stop. Please. Stop it." Thor felt something in him twist seeing Loki - who was always so insufferable and cruel and playful - cry. He has not seen him cry like that since they were boys.

"It… is wrong. She should have survived, not me. Not me!" Loki hissed hatefully, his eyes blearily darting from side to side. Loki was trying to move away – to _run_ from revealed reality.

Only his body failed him and he couldn't move without crying out in agony that immediately rendered him paralyzed from pain.

Not waiting a second longer Thor very carefully but determinedly took Loki in his arms, burying a hand in black hair and pulling Loki closer.

It wasn't what Thor had expected while waiting for Loki to wake. He couldn't have ever imagined Loki feeling guilt in surviving because their mother had not. It was an awful feeling and wasn't fair. Thor was so happy Loki lived and still could do nothing but hold Loki when his brother still mourned the loss.

Thor took a risk embracing Loki. They weren't close for far too _long_ and it seemed like walking on thin ice. Loki let Thor know that he hated him. Thor still could not forgive what Loki did in Midgard. But... In this moment they were brothers, like so many years before when both needed comfort in each other and never hesitated to provide it. And seeing Loki melt in his arms, burying his tear-streaked face in Thor's neck an older God only held tighter. Shivers mercilessly wracked thin body, trembling it seemed not only from the cold. Thor shifted that way that his own body encircled Loki's even more, protecting it in safe warm cocoon. Picking up a blanket by his fingers, older god wrapped it over them both, and stilled. They didn't need to speak words. They were fine in silence.

Thor imagined him and Loki grieving for their mother together - better late than never - here in the bed in healing rooms. Like a family.

Soon Loki would have to realize that him, still living, still was a gift. At least for Thor (he has already lost so much). Loki would realize how much he meant to him.

But for now… Thor let him cry. It was a delayed reaction – this breakdown – going close to Loki's reaction in the cell, where everything was destroyed and shattered, even Loki himself. With everything that happened to Loki – being free once more, rush of adrenaline in mad escape, fighting with enemies and of course his near dying - it was no wonder Loki has had enough.

(But these emotions could also be caused by foreign magic – Eir told him once that having other's magic could mess with one's self unpredictably, be it physically or emotionally – and overall Loki was not in any state to have strict control over his body and mind like he always did).

Either way - no matter how wrong it seemed - Thor was glad Loki reacted like that. It showed his brother was healing and not only physically. Thor would help him overcome this ordeal; he swore it.

After some time Thor felt Loki going limp in his arms, lulled down by the warmth of close embrace and exhaustion. It was the first time in a month Loki finally moved, so it must be very tiring. Looking down he saw his brother has fallen asleep. Just as carefully as Thor took him, he lowered Loki's sleeping body back under the covers, brushing his hair from tired haggard face.

Thor couldn't keep a smile from his face. Even if it was accompanied by stinging eyes. Loki had awakened. His brother has done it. He came back. And he came back just as Thor dreamed – without animosity between them, without hatred and anger. It seemed Loki's last words were meant for him. Loki never thought he would survive. But he did, and it was all that mattered.

Thor wasn't needed anywhere so he sat more comfortably in a rich chair that was brought here from his rooms and kept a vigil over his little brother.

-O.O-

Long hours later when Loki woke up again to see an older god beside him, they just stayed in the moment, doing nothing but look at each other. So much should be said, decided, explained. But silence was golden.

Loki was lost in his thoughts, his eyes distant and clouded. Thunderer didn't want to steal all the attention to him because he thought Loki needed to examine his own state of being, come to terms with his condition. Because now Loki was under the influence of drugs flowing in his blood and full of foreign seidr.

Thor almost winced when he realized just how much Loki took care of his clear state of mind and sharp focus, never let others influence him with other's magic. It must be truly stressful.

Distracted, Thor hadn't outright noticed how Loki shifted in discomfort. He was also breathing too deep. Younger godput a hand on his stomach and barely prodded with a weak finger. But older god was there in a second when he caught the sight of his brother gasp for air and curl in on himself.

"No, no. Shh. Don't touch it." Thor grabbed Loki's fingers and took them away from the wound, instead taking them in his. Thor flinched as Loki moaned in pain.

"Wha-what is it? It burns! Wh-what's under?" Hands couldn't touch a place where it hurt, so Loki only clenched his hands in fists. They were trembling.

Thunderer checked that bandages were undisturbed by Loki's ministrations. It must be the ointment that was destroying infection working. Eir told him that it would be the real hardship to endure, so it would be better if Loki slept during it. But Loki was conscious _now_. And it meant Thor had to do something to help. Anything so Loki would hold on.

Thor thought if he would be calm, it would give Loki a hint to stop panicking. So he started to talk, trying to distract his brother with words, so his mind would catch after them rather than pain.

"I suppose you don't remember – for the best I think - but some days ago I had to hold you down so Eir could smear a special mixture for your wound. Infection spread and the area around your… cut, uh… It needed cleaning. Drastic one and immediate. Without it, your… skin would have started to blacken and rot…So when it couldn't be avoided we… did it. So you, uh. Don't touch your bandages." Thor swallowed. It wasn't that this whole thing disgusted him, but he wouldn't lie if he said he would have been better without knowing all this information. He saw more of Loki's skin and blood that he was fine with. When Eir and her assistant were stitching the wound, Thor simply couldn't bear the sight and left. No one has stopped him.

He just wanted Loki to be healthy again.

"I-I'm sure Eir can explain more clearly about it rather than I. All I'm saying is that… the burn you feel means that your body's healing and the drugs work." Thor finished with a weak smile.

Loki stared at him through his poor explanation with twisted mouth and widened eyes. It was visible how that burn still bothered him but that first reaction when Loki almost ripped his bandages was replaced with stillness and maybe even quiet recognition of whatever healing mix Eir used on him, thus calming Loki down.

"Hurts?" Thor didn't know he still could sound like a little boy. And the question was childish but he didn't care. As did Loki, just nodding silently. Not finding a better place Loki reluctantly positioned his hands just under the wound.

"Can I get you anything?" Thor asked.

"Water." Loki whispered after a while. Understandable because his lips were dry and parched. Thor stood and walked to the tray positioned on the desk near the door, where his dinner sat untouched. Thor found out that he was too excited and preoccupied with seeing to Loki rather than eat. As it was, it mattered little.

Taking a glass Thor poured water in it and came back to Loki's bedside. Now he noticed the obvious flush of Loki's skin, and when he touched his brother's neck, he realized Loki was burning up again. Sighing, Thor leaned to lift his brother just a little so water wouldn't spill. In answer he got Loki, resisting his ministrations, and by the looks of it a younger god appeared to be on the verge of tears.

"No. No, do- do not…" Loki moaned. Thor checked his brother's forehead and really looked at him.

Loki was delirious. Damn it.

Biting his lower lip, Thor looked around for something useful and saw a sponge, lying near new bandages and supplies. Quickly retrieving it, Thor poured cold water from a glass into a bowl from his tray. Thunderer decided to dab Loki's lips instead, also his face. He didn't know if Loki was supposed to drink at all – that young healer maiden used some kind of drip to hydrate Loki – and wasn't sure what possible consequences would be if Loki were to upset his stomach wound by eating or drinking.

He should ask Eir later.

-O.O-

Next day Loki slept all day. Head Healer and her assistants came in to check on Loki, as well as examine the wound. Thor was glad Loki was unconscious _this_ time.

When Thor left to start a day as usual, at the myriad of meetings a good amount of Aesir surprisingly approached him to ask after Loki. Not of course King's circle of advisers (those old fools cared more for their power and gold than of anything what was happening in the Realm), but still respected class and nobles inquired as to the health of his bedridden brother. At first Thor was dumbfounded as to why they asked now, and then chastised himself because he was sure Loki's screams the other day alarmed the entire palace and raised many questions as to what was going on. Also rumors flew with great speed and palace's staff has always been curious. Thor caught interested stares of palace maids and stewards when he was walking through familiar halls and even heard guards whispering about their colleagues who were positioned at Loki's chambers to ask for news.

It was… pleasant to know people cared. Thor himself got many thanks and congratulations when he came back home from the battle. But after announcing what happened to Loki, people realized just how crucial a role the second prince played in the dire events leading after attack.

And hearing that it was a possibility that Prince Loki awoke after severe and prolonged illness, put Aesir in better spirits than before. It also gave them the matter to think and talk about, preferring that to their own problems.

It may appear that along with Prince Loki recovering, Asgard started to recover a little as well.

-O.O-

It was well after midnight that Thor found himself seated down at his usual place near Loki's resting body. Today's duties were the same as before, the same exhausting, the same maddening - but somehow knowing that when Thor would visit Healing Halls Loki could be awake, it eased his mind tremendously. It was like… the burden of always being stressed and hoping and worrying and not knowing what would happen next fell away at last, leaving only the knowledge that even if it was only the beginning of a long road of recovery, the hardest part was finally over.

Somewhere about an hour later, going through boring in-Realm treaties he never liked to neither write down nor insight into the meaning of, Thor noticed the changes in Loki's breathing and movement. His brother was waking up. _Well, it's about time_, Thor thought with a weak try at humor, glad to put away his work. T_o sleep all day long when Thor was here. Selfish, little brother._

Oh, he was pathetic, Thor immediately reprimanded himself.

Now, that Loki regained consciousness and after their so far short idle conversations, Thor wished to ask more questions – one in particularly – and also renew their relationship (as he promised himself back on Svartalfheim). But most of all he just wanted to hear Loki speak to him. Without fear or hatred or wariness.

In a dimly lit room where the only light was coming from magical field above the bed, Loki's eyes seemed golden and his skin _deceivingly_ healthy. Maybe it was for the best, because when morning would come, Thor would see how devoid of any color Loki really was, how gaunt and sick. But until then Thor was not against lying to himself.

Turning a little so he could put his hand on Loki's arm - always touching - Thunderer gave it a soft pat. Sitting like that with his hands on the knees and leaning forward, showed Thor Loki's profile. Thunder God was as close as possible at the bedside.

Loki sighed and opened his eyes.

"You again?" Loki's mouth twitched as if it wanted to produce a smile but miserably failed. He was too ill for that. But Thor with warmth recognized those same words and that teasing tone often used when Loki knew that when Thor came to him it meant the potential trouble. Even if it was too poor an imitation it was still there.

"It seems so." Thor smiled back.

It was too early to judge but until now not once did Loki ask Thor to leave. It was truly silly, Thor thought, but maybe Loki also wanted him here. And really – till now he was the only one Loki saw, otherwise sleeping when healers came. Even that guard – Thor forgot his name, one of Loki's personal guards from when he was younger – asked after the second prince. Many people wanted to see Loki, but Thor was not sure his brother wanted the same. Especially in so poor a condition. And who's to say, intentions of all of them were harmless?

"Anything you need, brother?" Thor asked.

Loki shook his head, content to just lie there and do nothing but breathe.

Thor watched him. It was still surreal seeing Loki here, alive, talking. Thor thought that Svartalfheim was the last place he talked to Loki, the last time he held him. And those words of apology, his last ones…

Thor suddenly remembered as one of the things Eir asked Thor to find out was the state of Loki's memory. Were there gaps in memory or maybe some things that would help in diagnosis later on? Overall Eir asked Thor to gently _interrogate_ Loki about his current state of health and mind.

But more than ever what Thor ached to ask was this.

"Do you… remember what happened back then? In the Dark World" He inquired quietly. The hand in his gave a little jolt. Thor only held tighter.

"I understand it is hard. And if you don't want to talk about some things, it's fine. Be sure I won't insist if it's still painful. Only that… I _need_ to know what happened to you, brother. I-I just need it." Thor admitted and held his breath. It was indeed too much to ask so soon, and Loki had every right to deny him. But… He had to try. This question was what was keeping his awake at nights because he couldn't bear the nightmares, too vivid and painful, that for a time Thor had to remind himself that it was only that – a nightmare. Because Loki was alive, home in Asgard - not abandoned and bleeding out in the dirt on foreign gods' forsaken land.

Soft murmur broke the stifling heavy silence.

"All right." Loki shifted to find a better position but instantly grimaced. Thor still had no idea what amount of pain Loki was actually in and his answers were vague at best. That left Thor only to watch.

"I was…" Loki began to speak serenely, trying to keep his voice steady but soon enough it was clear that Loki was failing. He was too anxious about what he was going to speak of. "I was dying..."

Thor licked his lips instead of replying, because even for Loki it was too obvious. He chastened himself in the next second as Loki continued. He was whispering, apparently capable only of that, but in the complete silence of the chamber, Thor heard every trembling word.

"At first I thought that it was a mere wound – fatal as it was, but I… got over the realization pretty soon as I… the grenade… "Loki winced as he raised his right hand, no doubt relieving that moment. Thor nodded vigorously, seeing Loki's trouble with wording.

"Except almost immediately… I felt like… like _darkness_ was crawling inside me, g-getting in my chest, going up my neck and face, my blood was on fire, it… it burned _so much_ inside, brother, it held me in clutches, immobile, spoiling, drowning me under so much black…"

Thor didn't hesitate to take Loki's hands in his and squeeze, the mattress sagged under him as he sat beside Loki on the bed. It was too much a distance from bed to chair anyway, Thor needed Loki close, especially as he felt his brother shudder from memories of his pain.

Loki calmed a little, his tense shoulders relaxing with Thor near. That simple move twisted Thor's heart mercilessly.

"I burned on the inside, but at the same time… I was so _cold_. I have never felt so cold…"

Mighty Thor… What would he give to be of any help to Loki as fear and suffering glistened in unshed tears in Loki's eyes…

"In mere… seconds I realized that everything was a lost cause. To feel how… your body became alien to you, feel it corrupted… When it was t-too much something broke in me and then… quieted. All fell silent. I knew what it was… I… I was so _tired_…" Loki closed his eyes.

"Did you feel anything after… after that?" Thor murmured, only now realizing how tight he held those weak hands – one pale and other blemished. But _both_ dear to him.

"… You know, brother, I really thought those were my last moments, I wasn't… I never thought I would wake again. Nor was I eager to…" On Thor's heated gaze, Loki just shook his head. "It was too much for me. Pain went away, it was a relief. But…" When silence grew too long Thor nudged Loki who zoned out.

"Yes?" Thunderer asked tentative. Loki swallowed and looked away.

"I have no description but… If I was asleep, then I thank the Norns for that. Because even in that sleep I felt… wrong. I don't remember anything but I feel like I was in pain." Broken sob. "H-horrible pain."

Thor didn't want to hear about this anymore. Leaning forward he brought his palm to Loki's head, brushing black hair and stroking a thumb under a sharp jaw.

"It is all right. No more, Loki. It is past. You are safe now." Loki closed his eyes to familiar touch. He was still shuddering from that terror, Thor easily felt it.

After a while staying in silence, taking comfort after draining truths, Loki was first to break it asking what apparently worried him the most.

"Thor. What am I even supposed to do?" he whispered so not to strain his perched throat. And by the looks of it, such a question did not require loud utterance.

_But for Thor it was like a bolt on to the head._

"Loki, I'm sure, I- I'm sure that…" God's words died out.

Thor wasn't _sure_ of anything. He didn't know what was to come. The thought of bringing Odin in this conversation felt wrong and heartless, because Thor was not sure he understood how his father thought nowadays. And Loki could close up at his mention. Loki could be entirely certain that his act of sacrifice and help would be overlooked and wouldn't change a thing. Whatever Thor would say.

What was the point of surviving only to come back home in his white maddening cell, where he was sure he would finally lose his mind? Plagued by memories and regrets. Why live if in death he would be truly free?

No.

"Don't think about it now. Just try to get better." _Simple for him to say. He was not in pain and without a future._

Loki was watching him with a level gaze, which revealed nothing. Blinking once, he calmly asked.

"And if I don't want to…"

Thor clenched his fists where Loki couldn't see them. _Gods, did it truly get back to that? Was it Thor's fate to see Loki destroy himself?!_

"… For me. Please."

Loki stilled. Neither one of them spoke after Thor's quiet firm words. His silent _plea_.

Thor didn't dare to breath, but onslaught of thoughts blinded him. He put himself in Loki's place:

_Could he? Was it worth it? _Why_ should he? Odin surely didn't care – Loki didn't see him once since he woke up. Their mother was gone. So it left only him, Thor. Who else was there to give a damn about Loki? Not many people… Loki most likely thought. Right_?

And Thor could have left him in Svartalfheim to rot as the criminal and outcast he was. But he didn't. He came back and saved him, was near, he didn't abandon him, didn't leave him alone. He stayed. And asked not to give up.

It was a question of trust.

_So could Loki do it?_

"For you…" Loki slowly nodded. "I will."

Thor saw how Loki's hand fidgeted not sure, if his big brother would take it. Thor made a decision for him, taking both hands in his and squeezed in silent gratitude. He was still fighting for breath from what Loki said. His brother's quiet words gave him hope. And Thor was grateful.

They would make it work. Together.

-O.O-

Eir as usual held bypass of all her patients. With recent changes it was not surprising there was replenishment. Young men came here with broken bones, sprains, extreme exhaustion. New training took its toll apparently.

Walking to the Royal Wing Eir nodded to the guards, who respectfully bowed back. She had made peace with their presence a while ago, because as she saw it, these guards made it personal to guard Loki, rather than keep a watch over him. They seemed to care for the safety of Asgard's second Prince.

Walking inside she saw Prince Loki lying in the bed, eyes shut. She didn't want to disturb him for now, seeing that he was asleep. Drugs were thinning their effect now that Loki woke up and was awake for longer amounts of time, and he would soon need another magical injection. If not... Eir feared for his state.

A mage's body bereft of magic was an ordeal worse than torture.

Being completely absorbed in checking out the information she took after observing Loki's condition for three weeks and from time to time making notes, she did not immediately hear the heavy breathing, louder than usual. Raising her head in surprise the Head Healer dropped everything and with long strides came quickly near Loki. Her patient was panting, his teeth were gritted with great force, his hands clenched the knuckles were white. Mimir's Head, he was not asleep!

"Lord Loki? Are you awake? Please answer me."

Loki couldn't answer. He was still making distressed noises, as Eir started to examine him with haste. With startled realization Eir figured out that, the magic she poured into Loki's own has all but burned out for the last two days. But… it _had_ to have lasted for just about another two, she thought in exasperation.

On one hand, it was fascinating – Prince Loki was a _truly_ gifted mage, his magical capacity one of a kind. _Incredible_. But on the other, it meant she had to extract much more than she thought she would share.

Eir needed help. Just as she thought, Loki was suffering from withdrawal. His heart was beating wildly, a body fighting to normalize its work but coming short. Not having energy flowing through his veins, nerves lighted up in pain, the temperature rose – it was agony. And so soon after awakening it was also very dangerous. Eir promised herself to be more watchful and careful with her dear patient.

She thought quickly and then called the guards at the door. She sent one of them for the two of her students and instructed him to what they should bring with themselves. Aside from giving Loki her magic there was another method to heighten mage's resources. It took a lot of time and effort to make, the combination of living magic with healing stones mixed with the blood of recipient to replace it with what now flew in those veins… It would take her weeks to make, maybe less if All Father would let her leave shortly to Vanaheim where other professional healers she was friends with would agree to help her.

Already in the process of giving Loki seidr, Eir said only one word as her apprentices arrived and in no time, they were helping her with Loki's condition. Two young women were the most gifted, but still the three of them could not stand even remotely close to Prince Loki's level. Soon enough Loki's heartbeat slowed down, the hands eased over the sheets and pain dissipated. When eyelids fluttered, Eir gently cupped Loki's cheek.

"Loki?" She said

When the haze fell away and Loki could look around himself, he raised his head and saw his old mentor. His eyes flickered to two of her students standing behind her back – Loki's past acquaintances – and the prince was looking at them all in small wonder.

"Eir-" Loki rasped in surprise. And indeed he saw her for the first time _in years_. There was a myriad of emotions on that young face, but the clearest was uncertainty. With what Eir had no idea.

"Good day, my prince." A woman smiled broadly. She was never one to waste time on pitying (even if Loki's condition gave her all the reasons thinkable) but she promised that she would put Loki on his feet. "Long time to see."

Loki's warmth in his gaze dimmed somewhat after her words. Before it disappeared completely, Eir patted a pale hand and smiled her usual confident little smile.

"Have no fear, I won't question. After all it is not my business. Know that you won't find any animosity or wariness from me or my assistants." Royal matters did not concern her, besides people rarely were given the full truth of what was truly going on. Eir _knew_ Loki and it was enough for her.

Loki nodded. Next minutes were spend in Eir telling Loki about his condition and methods she would use to bring him back to health. Loki listened attentively even if his focus wandered from time to time. Eir kept no secrets, knowing her patient would hear if she would gloss over or hush up some of the facts. So she spilled everything as it was.

"So… my magic…"

"Yes, my lord… It is crippled and almost absent. It will be a long time until it comes back. But having mine would also give you discomfort and… Of course, there will be a time when I will repossess it back, eventually, for it does not belong to you, what will put you in quite an ordeal at the beginning. But I'm already thinking on some solutions." Eir looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry for not having good news."

Sighing, Loki nodded again. With his permission, Eir started to check the wound. Loki turned his eyes on the ceiling and kept silent. It was fine with a woman, she knew better than voicing unhelpful nonsense.

Just before she was done and ready to leave, Loki bit his lip and touched the woman's hand by the tip of his finger.

"You… attended to those in attack, didn't you?" He asked weakly. Eir finished her examination and answered.

"Indeed, my lord. Though it was a very sad occurrence, something good came out of it as it helped greatly with your diagnosis." She finished with a dejected smile.

"Eir..." Loki trailed off unable to say more. When Loki stayed silent for far too long, the Head Healer stopped to really _look_ at him – he clearly wished to ask something, but was clearly unable to as he was looking at her too intently and with a hint of… fear?

When the prince noticed the way Eir was looking at him, he sighed and turned away. He kept his eyes on anything except Eir, but she knew it wasn't from embarrassment; she could see how he was trying to gather enough courage to ask. There were several moments of silence, before Loki broke it.

"How did my mother die, Eir?" Loki asked softly. Eir flinched realizing Loki had no knowledge of his mother's death, he was absent on the funeral, he asked _her_ as his last resort after so much time passed.

_Oh, dear child._

Motioning at her students to leave them two alone, Eir turned her whole attention back to Loki and answered softly.

"Queen Frigga succumbed to injuries similar to yours. She died protecting another."

At first there was no reaction from bedridden prince. Loki only looked off in the distance, breathing evenly. His hand on a blanket picked on some loose thread and was rubbing it between fingers.

Eir could see how Loki was trying to keep himself together, to not crumble, and she could see how he was _not_ handling it well. Since adolescence, Loki was an expert in not showing emotions. The fact that now he was unable to control and hide his emotions could be because of his body's weakness, or because of the truly shattering grief that the Queen's death and its circumstance brought, _the similarities…_

Most likely, it was because of both of those reasons.

In the silence of healing chambers Loki let out a sound so broken, but when Eir looked at her prince she saw him _smiling_ – so false a smile it was painful to look at – though not deceiving anyone as much as Loki probably wanted. He was laughing madly and tears in his eyes made him look destroyed. Hide as he wanted, the Healer saw enough people ruined by grief.

Before Eir knew what she was doing, she walked to the bed and not hesitating a moment sat at the edge and took that black haired clever head and leaned it to her heart, holding a chaos of a man in tight grasp, so it would stay whole even as inside he was crumbling.

The moment a woman's hand touched him, Loki was immediately drowning in his sobs. They double him over until he grips his stomach in pain. Eir cradled her boy closer, subtly using a spell to sedate him because Loki couldn't afford to hurt himself even more than he was now.

"Shh… Get it out… I got you, my boy… You are her son, her lovely youngest, she was so proud of you… Let tears flow but know that she is probably sad now because you cry for her so when it is unneeded... Know that she is always with you, Loki… It's alright… you are all right…"

Loki was weeping as she comforted him, weak hands holding at her as for a lifeline, gripping afraid that if she let go then he would be inevitably lost.

-O.O-

Now Thor had found new strength to work every day – Loki's opening his eyes and moving (if only just), and talking and… In Loki's wish to go on Thor discovered his own. It was a good feeling.

-O.O-

"I say let's go on some adventure!" Sif said enthusiastically. "I understand you are needed in Asgard for your duties as the future king-to-be, but Asgard is rich as well on beasts and monsters to slay. What say you?"

Thor finally kept his promise to find time for his friends. They went to a town away from the palace so no one would try to disturb them or stop Thor for some question or minor favor – just away from everyone. They decided to go to their favorite pub and relax.

"I… sadly must decline, my Lady Sif. I should return to the palace soon." He sighed. "I don't want for Loki stay alone for long." Thor explained seriously.

"So... Loki is awake?" Sif asked carefully.

"Yes. He is... Yes."

"And what is he - how is he feeling?" Sif has never felt so awkward. She had to be polite least Thor would get angry again. Shield maiden closed her eyes mentally at how Thor brightened talking about Loki finally waking.

"Loki is..." Suddenly Thor narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"_Gods_, Thor I just want to know how Loki is!"

And it was also Loki's fault, Sif thought angrily. Now Thor doubted anyone's sincerity. Even his oldest friends. _Unthinkable_. "The danger is over. A long recovery is what awaits him."

"What saved him? I mean...his injury was severe and he was left there for three…" Sif trailed off noticing her mistake, but to her relief Thor didn't react to her words.

"His magic. It protected him and kept alive till I came." Thor replied with a fond little smile.

"His tricks again." Sif smirked, trying to make Thor's mood to lighten up.

To her surprise, Thor reacted differently. Furrowing his brows in disapproval, a god threw a glare at Sif, obviously not liking her remark.

"_Magic_, Sif." Thor gritted. "If magic could stand a fight against death, I would not dismiss it so carelessly."

A warrior goddess opened her mouth to argue about how often did Thor himself dismissed this same _magic_ before, and his recent change of heart didn't mean _they_ had to accept it as well, only Thor was faster. His next words rendered her completely speechless.

"_You_ would be long dead, Sif. You'd have lost."

Thor watched how Sif looked at Thor as if he slapped her but he would not take his words back. Why, it was truth.

Loki and Loki only was capable to outsmart death until now. Maybe Thor was close too but situations were entirely different. _Not_ Sif with her weapon and shield. She could be determined and firm, but if circumstances were similar – there was nothing _in_ Sif to fight the death with. So what was the point in lying?

Lady Sif was a strong woman; she had to take the truth that strength was not enough.

Just like Loki always tried to drill in him. Better late than never, right?

While Thor was speaking with Sif, Fandral and Volstagg only listened, not interrupting once, seeing as of how now they should weave carefully in talking with Thor. With more and more becoming the future King of Asgard rather than the Crown Prince, their shield brother changed. And if such changes gladdened them as citizens, they disturbed them as friends.

"Can we see him?" Volstagg spoke to ease the tension until Sif and Thor didn't grab each other's throats or worse – their weapons.

"If you wish to see Loki, notify me first. I don't know if he wants to see... uh, anyone." Thor said. No, ordered.

"_So_! No adventures?" Fandral joked. No one laughed though.

-O.O-

"I see you found your drug?"

Loki with somewhat delayed reaction turned to look at smiling Thor coming to sit at his usual spot. At his frown of confusion Thor pointed at a book now accurately lying at Loki's left hand, closed. Loki looked down at what Thor meant and sighed.

"I found it on my nightstand. I tried to read but…" Loki closed his eyes. "It's hard to focus."

Elder god bit his lip in worry, his joyful mood he was in when he came here, now forgotten.

(And it must be Eir, who found a book after Thor's visits and left it for Loki to find, Thor thought fondly).

"You are unwell?" He asked and immediately winced. Stupid question. But Loki only shook his head.

"My mind is... blear. Unclear. Strange feeling." Thor hummed. Actual drugs did their work well then. Better Loki suffered days without reading books than writhed in pain from his wound.

They stayed in comfortable silence for some time, both not minding it. Eventually Thor scrambled over Loki's chest to get that book leaving Loki to doze in peace.

After an hour, Loki suddenly jerked and woke, Thor already there to lay him back down. Loki scowled at him halfheartedly but Thor just playfully scowled in return, getting Loki even more annoyed when he brushed Loki's hair from his face. At this, his little brother huffed and turned away, muttering that he was not an invalid and Thor better stop before he lost his hand for real this time and not as an illusion. Thor only smirked and sat back. No reason to lift a question about nightmares. They both had them and both were fine in not _knowing_.

Thunderer noticed how Loki fidgeted with fabric the edge, restless.

"What is it, brother?" Thor asked. Loki shifted his jaw, before responding.

"How is…" He coughed a little before continuing. "Where is Odin?"

Before Thor pondered on _what in Helheim_ should he answer at Loki's question, his brother's breathing hitched and he was coughing for real now. _Ouch_. Loki wheezed helplessly.

"Easy. It must be the result of you being left in-" Thor swallowed his next words in shock. But Loki didn't take his eyes from Thor and clearly he has seen the anguish cross Thor's face as well as guilt. Older god tried to change the topic but it was too late.

"You left me in the storm?" It was asked with a calm voice. Too calm… nearing to numb. Thor opened his mouth and then closed it. He tried again but nothing came to mind, as he looked into blank unreadable face of his brother. When silence grew too long, Loki finally blinked and chose to look at the ceiling, getting his answer.

Only after leaving Svartalfheim Thor deeply regretted that he was a fool for not thinking to carry Loki's body into some cave that at least would have protected it from unforgiving weather. He didn't think about anything after he watched Loki's eyes close. After that, everything became a blur, cleared only by a sharp noise coming from Jane's small device. Only then Thor begun to come back to himself, pushing thoughts about Loki _far_ in the back of his mind, putting the goal to destroy Malekith and his soldiers. Nothing else mattered then.

That night Thor was not brave enough to stay with Loki. Loki said nothing as he left.

-O.O-

"Thor."

"What is it, brother?"

Loki didn't look at him, instead preferring to look where the sun slowly lowered to the horizon. It was obvious Loki wished to ask him something that bothered him. Thor closed the distance and sat at the edge of a bed.

Several days passed before Thor could return to Loki's side. And what Thor sincerely hoped for was that Loki would not speak about Odin again. His brother's question got sidetracked the last time they saw each other and then… Thor was still feeling guilty, but if Loki inquires about the man he for all of his life called a father and finds out that he (as Thor believed) not once visited his gravely injured son, preferring to avoid _any_ mention of him… It could throw brothers to where they were before Svartalfheim, and Thor promised himself – he couldn't let it happen.

"Loki?"

Finally Loki turned his head to stare at Thor. Confused at Loki's silence, Thor looked over Loki's body, his bandages that were fine, if only to not get annoyed at Loki's unblinking staring. As if realizing what he was doing, Loki blinked and shook his head - Thor noticed how Loki often lost his focus, Eir said it was because of one ingredient she used in healing ointment, it dulled senses - then sighed.

"Thor. I... I can't move…"

The ground fell from under Thor's feet as panic stole Thor's breathe away. Quickly looking over Loki again an older god grabbed Loki's hand that nervously picked on black fur thrown over soft blanket.

_"What?!"_

Hearing Thor shout brought Loki's attention back to their talk when it wandered away and after a second, the realization dawned at Loki at how his words sounded.

"No. No!" He swallowed with difficulty - with trying to negate what he said he almost chocked. By more steady voice he continued. "Calm down, Thor. Norns, I didn't mean it like that." Younger god smiled a little.

Loki patted his brother's hand soothingly to further prove his words. Thor closed his eyes and chastised himself of his own weakened nerves under constant worry and stress, under responsibilities and so few moments of peace. Just imagining Loki immobile and prone for the rest of his life as a result of his injury was more that Thor could bear.

"Then _what_ did you mean?" Thor breathed. Loki quirked a brow uncertainly.

"I meant that indeed I can't move. I'm stuck in this bed, motionless and defenseless. If... if any would come here... with my dulled senses and incapability of using my magic I am... I am an easy target. It will be nothing for them to-"

"Loki! Stop this nonsense! No one would dare do you harm! I will not allow it!" Thor said with a hint of anger. _If anyone would dare to even think of such a thing-_

Frowning as to why Loki closed his eyes and started to tremble, Thor in horror realized that in his anger and worry he tightened his grip on bare shoulders with so much force in his anger he left bruises on pale skin. Bile rose in his throat at what he's done. His blue eyes stung furiously as he apologetically run his fingers over reddened skin, raising his hands to the neck and then face that turned away from him. Thor looked Loki in the eyes, guarded and unreadable. But Thor felt that he scared Loki by his mindless actions, what worse Loki could be pulling away from their tentative peace. And it was entirely _Thor's fault,_ because he was reckless and didn't think of his actions. He had almost ruined everything again.

"There are guards at the doors-" He started.

"I need something here. At hand's reach."

Still seeing Thor hesitate, Loki sighed.

"Think, Thor. If even I kill someone – which I have no intention of doing, believe me or not - I would not run from the consequences, seeing that I am unable to even sit without help. But I need..."

As Loki's eyes flicked at new formed bruises and then quickly away, Thor swallowed.

"I... I'll think of something, Loki. You... You are right. It is a common place. Anything could happen." Thor himself always had his hammer on a belt, so why was he so adamant to leave Loki weaponless? Surely after everything that happened he was not that desperate to protect his brother to the point of possessiveness? It was madness. He should stop it. But it was Loki. So "Loki. If you... You know that nothing will save you if you kill someone without cause. I warn you, brother-"

"Heimdall is watching Thor." Loki interrupted. He sounded absolutely spent. Or fed up with everyone telling him the same thing over and over again.

Thor shut his mouth. Loki was right. They were warriors, their weapons always on their person. Loki was bedridden, without magic, alone. Thor didn't think someone would _dare_, but there were still those who didn't like Loki, held a grudge or something else. Loki had enemies in other realms and if they heard that Loki was in such dire position and state of health, it was a perfect opportunity. _Loki was right._

"I'll go fetch something for you as well as dinner." Thor relented.

"You know I can't eat your food, Thor." Loki said exhausted. He was a step from falling asleep.

Thor nodded. It was not the first time he preferred to spend his evenings here and skip his travel to grand hall to dine with others. He wanted quiet and not loud Aesir with their loud drunken shouts and nonstop rumors. He still loved to attend them but… Not right now. Not with so many important people absent from the table.

Before he was gone, Thor hesitated and looked back at the form in a bed. Bruises have only darkened.

He was a fool.

"I'm sorry Loki."

His little brother turned to look at him in honest surprise that shouldn't have felt like a stab in Thor's heart. Surely he apologized enough to Loki in the past…

"It's all right, Thor." Loki whispered. Then he nodded and turned away.

Thor inhaled and steadied himself. He quietly closed the door after himself.

That evening not even Tyr was able to keep Thor from destroying all training dummies in the arena.

-O.O-

A/N: I worked the most on this chapter, trying to show those babies' reuniting :3 I can only hope it was for your liking :3


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